Bring the past with you only if you're going to build from it
by cmfanreidsgirl
Summary: Elle tries to get the cops to listen to her about her mentally ill mother's bf sexual abusing her When they move to D.C she finally goes to the FBI for help & meets a young agent who's childhood was different but the same. Will they fall in love? Will they be able to do this job together? Or will everything come apart? The past can either hold them back or give a strong foundation.
1. Chapter 1

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Khalil Gibran

My name is Elle Skyler Green. I was an ordinary girl once. I was born in the summer of 1992, June twenty fifth. My dream was to catch bad guys, some day meet a nice man, get house of my own, live out in the country and possibly have children.

My life was ordinary and not one to be noticed until my father was killed in a robbery at a gas station. A gas station for crying out loud! He started to sexualize me but I had reported it and was getting emaciation from my parents, after my father was killed, I had to refile, but I never got it. My mom and I moved to D.C and she found a boyfriend.

He seemed like a nice guy. Until one day he wasn't, he started raping me, three times a week. I filed again to live on my own; I was denied even though I made more than my mother, legally. I went down to the FBI office in Quantico to file a complaint. I ran into a young man that was heading into the office with several cups of coffee. He was about to drop one of the trays and I took it from him, "Let me help you," I said.

"Thank you," He replied.

"You're welcome," I said. "You're an FBI agent right?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. I had seen him coming in and out of this office.

"Could I talk to you about filing a compliant of sexual harassment; well I guess rape is the more appropriate term against somebody?" I asked.

"Are you telling me you've been raped?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah I am," I said.

"Why did you come to me?" he asked.

"You're less threatening than the cops and I've tried to get emaciation but the courts have denied me several times. Plus I've already talked to the cops, they don't believe me because of whom I am accusing," I said.

"Why have you tried to get emaciation?" he asked as we walked through his office building into the elevator. I hated elevators, I got in and closed my eyes and tried not to scream. I concreted on my breathing so I wouldn't go into a panic attack.

"My dad started to sexualize me when I was ten, then when I was 11 he was killed in robbery at a gas station. About a year after that my mom and I moved here. She got a new boyfriend in about six months. He was nice at first, until he raped me, six months after I turned 15, I'm 19, soon to be 20, and it's been three times a week at least and I can't get anyone to believe me, not even the courts," I said.

"I'm really sorry about that, I'll help you but I'll need the rest of my team to help," he said.

"Thank you," I said. I didn't know how comfortable I would be with telling my story to the rest of his team. I had seen them around town, they were kind of intimidating. He on the other hand was not, so I felt safe. I had planned to run into him, I had watched him for a few days so that I could talk to him and him alone. "My name by the way is Elle Skyler Green. What's yours?" I asked.

"Dr. Spencer Reid," he replied as we reached his desk. I sat the coffee down. "Don't you have school today," he asked me.

"Spring break for the next two weeks, that is if I hadn't already graduated, and I took the week off of work to take care of what's going on at home so I don't have to run, and it's nice to meet you Doctor," I said.

"It's nice to meet you too," he said. Then everyone swarmed around his desk for coffee, not having noticed me yet they just excused themselves as they slid by me, probably assuming I was a friend of their colleague's.

After they were at their desks they looked back and saw me. This very young woman, 5'11 19 years old who barely weighed 100 pounds with shoulder length dark hair, hazel eyes that were almost a topaz-gold, a slight bronze tan, slight muscular and she was standing at their friend's desk who apparently had a hard time with women by the looks on the faces.

"We aren't together, he's helping me. Someone has committed a crime against me and he's the first person to believe me," I said.

"What kind of crime?" a very tall, extremely muscular, African American man asked.

"I'm sorry but right now I only feel comfortable discussing that with him. I don't know who to trust, and I won't trust until it has been earned," I replied.

"So you know him?" a woman with medium length black hair, average weight and height asked.

"No I just met him this morning. I just don't feel threatened by him; he's not very intimidating where I'm afraid to say I find all of you very intimidating. You're alpha personalities and he isn't, and I don't easily trust alphas anymore, they can dominate someone to their own benefit, no offense," I said.

"None taken," a man who was clearly older than the others in what I had heard referred to as the _bullpen_ on TV shows came in. He was clean shaven and was wearing a button down shirt with dress pants, the causal kind. "My name is Jason Gideon, and this is Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, JJ, Aaron Hotchner and Penelope Garcia," he said. I waved staying silent. I was not going to talk to this many people.

"Reid explained that you came to him, you only have to talk to him if that's what you're comfortable with," Agent Hotchner said. I nodded. Dr. Reid led me to an interview room.

"You said that you moved here shortly after your father died and he was sexualizing you, do you have any evidence of that? I only ask because it was so long and he's dead." I pulled a file from my brief case and set on the table. "What's this?" he asked.

"Open it," I said. As he opened it and looked at the photos and the doctors' documentation of my injuries I said, "That's every mark that my father left on me, and this," I said pulling out another file, "is my mother's boyfriend's work. I've taken pictures, had doctors keep a very detailed record and give me a copy, I just want out of that house. I know that I'm only 19, but I make more than my mother does, legally, and I have finished high school. I'm looking at colleges."

"You graduated early?" he asked. I'm not totally sure where he came to that conclusion. But he was right; I could have if I wanted.

"Not exactly. I could have if I wanted but I slowed myself so that I was not as much of a target, did you?" I asked. I was wondering if he had graduated early.

"Yeah I was 12; I did not have a lot of fun," he said.

"Having been bullied all through school, I know exactly what you are talking about, people are cruel," I said.

"How did you manage?" he asked. I was pretty sure he was distracting me from what he was going to ask next, I wanted to be a profiler, I knew most of the tricks of the trade.

"The opposite of most people. My sole friend in the school was the quarter back, and no one messed with me unless they wanted a fight. Our friendship was symbiotic though, he offered me protection, I him helped pass his classes. My other friends went to a different school," I replied. My friends in the other schools were better off than I was, the school I went to had very poor education systems and high crime rates within the school and low graduation rates, but my mother was dirt poor and when she was in good health had worked 4 jobs to send me to school. After she got sick, it was me working several jobs to pay the bills and go to school and have clothes. I had worked about 6 jobs at once at most. I was explaining this to him.

"When did you move here?" asked.

"2003, late spring, almost summer," I replied. I remembered it was raining that day.

"How long after that did your mother get a boyfriend?" he asked.

"About six to eight months," I said. I had still some what been grieving for my dad. In a way it was a relief that he was gone because he could no longer hurt me, but he was my dad.

"When did he turn abusive?" Dr. Reid asked me.

"About three and half years to four years ago, I don't know if he ever took it out on my mom, if he did, he didn't leave any marks. Six months after I turned 15 is when the rape started, he was just hitting on me, hitting and making threats at first," I replied.

"Did she ever complain?"

"No but she was always a screamer," I said.

Dr. Reid looked confused, "Excuse me," he said.

"In bed when having sex when she becomes aroused or is pleasured she screams," I said.

"Oh," he said. "You explain things like this all the time I guess by the way did so patiently," he said.

"Yeah, I kinda do it all day long. I work at a psychiatric hospital in the summer. I had to once explain to a 28 year old man what an erection was. And he was not a patient there," I said.

"Okay, when did the abuse first start?" he asked. I shuddered.

"By whom?" I asked.

"Both," replied.

"My father started when I was eight. The boyfriend, after I turned 15, he said _I was starting to become a woman, but wouldn't be one till someone broke me in and taught me my place._ I want to be a profiler, so I know what kind of stuff gets said, I'm used to reading it, but it's different when you're in the middle of it, when you're the victim. It gives a whole new understanding to what the victims in the case you're studying are going through," I said.

"I'd imagine. I'm sorry to ask but we are going to need physical evidence, you need to get an exam done," he said. I laid a kit down on the table.

"I got it collected last night." I said. "I have a friend in the hospital who I have on call for this," I said.

"Until this case is closed do you have anyone you can stay with?" he asked.

"No, I don't have many friends, not the kind that would put themselves in harm's way to save one they care about. Most of my friends are back in Missouri. The only two friends I have that would be willing to help also have a family and I'm not willing to put their families in danger for my life, and I have nowhere where I won't be found," I said.

"My boss may not like this, but, you can come to me and I said that I would help," he said writing something down on a piece of paper. He slid it across the table to me, it was an address with a time, his I assume.

"I'll meet you there at six this evening," I said. As he was getting up I said, "Thank you."

I stayed at the FBI office a little longer answering questions. I gave them my cell, telling them I wasn't planning on going home, expect to get a duffle bag of clothes and I gave them my mother's address and the boyfriend's address and place of work and his contacts and my mom's. "If you need me just call me and could I please have _all_ of your numbers so I know who's calling me, if I don't recognize the number, I won't answer," I said. They gave me their cards and I started putting numbers in. "Thank you," I said leaving. I was going to an internet café shop. I was going to apply to colleges here; I had more than enough and had scholarships.

I was ready, to disappear now that I had help. An hour till six I ran home and got my packed duffle bag of clothes then I went to a Chinese restaurant and got take out and then hopped on a metro ride to an apartment complex 30 minutes away. I was there 15 minutes early. I saw an old Volvo pull around back with a familiar figure in it. That must be him I thought. I stayed where I was at a bench just outside the doors. A few minutes later he came around to the front, "you're early Miss Green," he said.

"I could come back in a few minutes if it's too early, and please call me Elle Dr. Reid," I said.

"No it's not too early, call me Spencer," he said reaching for my bag and picking it up before I could.

"Thank you," I said shocked at his kindness. "I brought dinner," I said holding up the Chinese food. "I noticed the Chinese food cartons on your desk at the office," I said.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I replied. We got into the apartment building and he got into the elevator and I hesitated.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Sorry, I don't like elevators. I was in an elevator accident when I was little and have disliked and distrusted them since. I'm working on that but I haven't gotten to getting into an elevator since, besides this morning and I was fighting a panic attack." Then he said some sort of stat as we were taking the stairs.

"Won't your parents worry if you don't come home?" Spencer asked over dinner.

"Not really, my dad's dead, he can't worry, my mom's a disorganized-paranoid schizophrenic who is unmediated, she won't even notice. She's barely able to do her job. I've sent someone from the hospital to check on her at every meal time to make sure she gets something to eat and gets a shower at bedtime. Her boyfriend will just want to know where his whore is, as he calls me, he won't be concerned for my safety in the least bit," I said.


	2. Chapter 2

"Your mother is schizophrenic?" he asked. It was in a curious tone, I guess his mother was too.

I nodded, "Yeah, no matter how high your IQ, it isn't easy, especially if you have to take care of her," I said.

"How high is your IQ?" he asked.

I was starting to feel like I was in a game of 20 questions. "186, why what's yours?" I asked in return.

"Your life seems to have some similar correspondence to mine. My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic and my dad left us, I graduated at age 12, while in school a sexual crime was committed against me," He said his voice shaking.

"I'm sorry," I said placing my hand on his.

He nodded, "My IQ is 187, I have an eidetic memory and I can read 20,000 words a minute," he said.

I looked down at my plate and started playing with my food, "My memory is one in which I can't forget anything. I'm doomed to remember everything forever, and I can read 19,000 words a minute last time I was timed," I said. To change the subject I asked, "How long do think it will take before my mother's boyfriend goes to court?" I asked.

"It could be a few weeks," he said.

Those few weeks passed and he was on the run. "I'll draw him out," I said.

"How do you plan on doing that?" Hotch asked, as I had come to call him.

"My night weekend job, I'm a singer and dancer at a club, he likes my act," I said. My usual act was dancing with a pole and doing some gymnast moves to the song _Every time We touch_ while singing it. I did this with a few other songs as well. Some songs I just sang. I set up a plan with the team to catch him and gave them photos from his Facebook page.

"This is your night job?" Hotch asked.

"How do think I make more than my mother? I work about six jobs at any given time, I have to pay the bills and get money for school, and I just want out of the house," I said. He looked at me. "I graduated at 18 years old when I could have graduated at age 12. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I'm just now figuring that out. I needed some way to put some money a way for school and to get out of the house, I was planning on running. This was my last attempt at getting someone to listen to me, and someone did, and believed," I said.

"What's your day job?" Spencer asked.

"I waitress at a local restaurant, and a few times a week I'm a stand up comedian at a local bar, and during the summer I work at a psychiatric hospital," I replied. That night at my place of work I was an acrobat, I did everything I possibly could to get Mike Wilson Scott's attention, he was the boyfriend. That night I also made a lot of money, enough to pay rent about three times. At about the fifth song and the final song, he made an appearance and he tried to climb onto the stage, which was something I didn't allow, I pushed him back into his seat with my foot. The team was on him quite quickly.

After he was caught I went back to my dressing room to get some what cleaned up and get dressed so I could go home and shower. Well right now, home was Spencer's sofa. I was trying to save up enough money to get my own place and keep it and go to school. I needed to have at least $5000 in my account before I went shopping for an apartment and went to school, of course I could probably get a scholarship to pay for everything.

Spencer came back into the dressing room. I had given him a pass so he could get in. A rule that the boss had that ran this place was no cops back stage. Spencer wouldn't be made as a cop, the rest of his team would. I could easily pass him off as a family member—a cousin, or a boyfriend, a private client that paid to come back stage and then I went to his house for a private lap dance. This was a common thing I did, private lap dances, but my rule of conduct was no sex at any time, for any reason, for any price.

"Done," Spencer said. Anyone of else would have read it as a question. He was telling me that my mother's boyfriend was going to jail and that his time was done here.

"Completely, how's dinner at home sound?" I asked. I had worked this conversation out with him so people wouldn't guess what we were talking about.

"Then let's go," Spencer said.

"Just one minute," I said getting my jeans on and my t-shirt and jacket. I pulled my hair out from underneath my shirt and jacket and grabbed my purse and followed Spencer out.

Later, late that night I woke up to him pacing in his room. I got up to check on him. I knocked on his door. "Spencer, are you all right?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," he said. His voice sounded weak and shaky.

"You don't sound fine. I just want to help, if I can," I said.

"What can you do about bad dreams?" he asked.

"I'll be back in a second, I have something that may help," I said heading for my bag in the closet. I heard his door open. I was sure he wondered what in the world I could have that would help with bad dreams. I pulled my duffle bag down off the shelf and pulled a box out of it. I opened it up. It had what I was looking for. I set the box aside and put my bag back on the shelf in the closet. I came back to his room and we sat on the bed. I handed him the box, as he opened it I said, "It's a dream catcher, it's supposed to catch bad dreams and leave the good. It works best when close to a window. It works for me. It won't keep the dreams away, but it will reduce the frequency," I said as he handed me the box.

"What if by the window doesn't work?" he asked.

"Keep moving it around the room till you find the place where it works best for you," I said.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I said rubbing his back a little. We were starting to become quite close friends. I headed back to the sofa where I could get some rest for court tomorrow.

In the morning I got up and was almost ready to go when Spencer's phone rang. He wasn't answering so I did, "Dr. Reid's phone, can I take a message?" I asked.

"Elle," Hotch said.

"Morning Hotch," I said.

"You and Reid need to be at the court in 90 minutes," Hotch said. I looked at my watch.

_Shit!_ I thought. "I'll get us both there," I said hanging up. I went into Spencer's room. "Spencer, sorry for the wakeup call, but we have to be in court in 90 minutes. Spencer! Wake up! We need to be in court, in 90 minutes!" I said a bit louder.

"What?" he asked starting to wake up.

"Court, we need to be there in 90 minutes," I said pulling him to his feet.

"Shit," he said.

"Yeah, you get ready and I'll get the coffee and breakfast," I said. He got into the shower and I bustled and hurried about the kitchen. I made two pots of coffee, having filled a thermos with the first, and ate breakfast and I started Spencer's as he came out dressed. I had a five hour energy, I didn't drink coffee.

"I need my phone," he said.

"Coffee table," I said pouring his coffee into a thermos. He grabbed a coffee cup and the biscuit I had set out on the counter and his bag. I carried his two thermoses and grabbed my purse and phone and ran after him. This morning I didn't protest the elevator, I got in with him, we were in a hurry.

I leapt into the driver's seat; I knew how to drive fast. When coming up on a parallel parking spot Spencer said, "Slow down, you're not going to be able to stop."

"Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking," I said slamming on the breaks at the same time as I turned the wheel sharply sliding the car into the small space.

"I really hate it when you do that," Spencer said.

"Oh, sorry," I said. I had learned how to do that maneuver without damaging the car or any car. He had never told me he disliked it that much or at all when I did that. Once in the court house Hotch grabbed my wrist, "You're about to go on the stand, hurry it up," he said pulling me along. Before he could completely yank me off my feet I grabbed Spencer's wrist to pull him along. We were pulled into the court room and a few minutes later I was put on the stand.

"You're late," My mother's boyfriend attorney said.

"Sorry, car trouble and some trouble getting going this morning. This is not going to be my favorite day of the year," I said. I stared at Mike Wilson Scott and his lawyer.

"Well I assume this won't be your favorite day out of all the ones you live. Can you point out the man that hurt you?" he asked. I let that one slide; he knew nothing about the least favorite days of my life. There were days that I wished I were dead because of the pain I was in because of what was done to me. No one knew the pain I was in or had suffered. They couldn't understand, unless they had been through it themselves.

That question was for the prosecution, why was he asking it. "Yes I can, Mike Wilson Scott," I said pointing. "He's sitting at the defendant's table."

"And what did he do to you?" the defense attorney asked.

"He raped me for four years, almost five now," I said.

"Why did you wait so long to report it? He asked me.

"Everyone has their breaking point, but I reported multiple times and no one believed me or would listen. No wanted to believe that such a prominent figure could do such a thing to his mentally ill girlfriend's daughter," I said.

The questions went on and on for hours with me and other people on the stand. I was starting to wonder if these people ever had to go to the bathroom. Court finally ended at 3:00 pm for the day, to reconvene the next day at nine in the morning. Spencer put his hand on my shoulder, "I'll get you some lunch," he said.

It was an invite out to eat. It wasn't very direct, but I knew what he meant, I nodded, "Sure, I could eat," I said. I wasn't that hungry though. After dinner we went home and I plopped down on the sofa lying down.

"Are you all right?" Spencer asked.

"No," I said. I was far from okay.

"Is there anything that I can to do to help?" Spencer asked.

"I don't think so Spencer, thanks for asking though," I said.

"I just want to help," he said taking hold of my hand. I knew that, but there wasn't much anyone could do to erase it from my mind.

"I know Spencer, I just want to forget, but I can't. I told you about my memory, I will never forget. I wish that I had the chance to forget or that Alzheimer's ran in my family so that I had the chance of forgetting someday. That would help more than anyone could ever understand unless they have lived through it," I said. "You told me someone hurt you in school. That kind of thing anybody wants to forget, so I know you can relate to wanting to forget," I said.

"Yeah, I understand it. I remember it like it was yesterday, I wish I could forget. I tried not talking about it to forget, but it didn't work," he said, his voice soft.

"If you want to talk, I'll listen," I said.

He examined my wrist closer. "Should I be worried?" he asked lifting my arm up so I could see what he was seeing, a scar on my wrist, multiple scars.

"Not unless you think you should be, I've never cut myself deep enough to do serious damage, I've just looked for relief, an escape," I said,

"You know that you could get locked up for this, in a hospital?" he asked.

"I know, I also know that if I'm reported my credibility as a victim on the stand goes out the window," I said. I wasn't worried that he might turn me in; right now I was too tired fight.

The trial went on for weeks. I still hadn't found an apartment, but I had found a school in D.C to go to. When the trial finally ended I was relieved, the verdict was guilty on all counts.

I was talking to Spencer after the trial about where I could live real cheap, while in school. "Stay at my place, just do your half," he said.

"I can do that, I can pay my half of the rent as well," I said. I was starting to learn a definition of friendship, one that included some openness, more openness than I usually shared with my two friends. Years of school passed quickly.

One day I was in the field with the team. I went with Spencer and JJ to a witness's house who had seen dogs attacking someone. It turned out that we walked to the unsub's front door. Spencer chased him to the barn and he thought he and JJ should split up. I of course not of having the clearance to carry a gun had a Taser. I followed Spencer when he ran to the corn field, knowing no loyalty to anybody else, not having learned to trust them 100% yet. We both were kidnapped and drugged. I woke up to find my hands cuffed behind my back and to Spencer's wrist. He too was cuffed, just not behind his back. "Oh this is just great," I thought. Then I realized we weren't alone, there was someone standing in the shadows. He was by a fire place, I hadn't moved so I stayed still and kept my eyes open just enough that I could see him, but so that I wouldn't have to blink in excess. I was lying on the floor; I could tell by how my arms were pulled up that Spencer was higher up than I was, he must have been in a chair of some sort.

It felt like I watched him for days before he moved. He got into Spencer's face. Spencer must have stirred if he moved. "They're gone now, it's just me," this strange person said.

"Who…who are they?" Spencer asked. I felt a kick in my side as a man answered Spencer. It wasn't very hard, but I knew it wasn't Spencer who had kicked me. The shoe felt more like a hiking boot, I stayed limp, pretending to be unconscious. I was aware of a harsh light in the room and a foul, putrid odor that filled the room. It smelled like burning flesh and burnt meat, fish. "What's that smell?" Spencer asked.

"The burning fish hearts and livers, it keeps away the devil," the same male voice I had heard earlier said. "Oh great, he's a religious nut," I thought. I had some issues with religion because religion was used to justify anything, ignorance, arrogance, murder, bullying, torture, persecution of gays and so many other things.

Minutes after Spencer started to come to our captor kicked me real hard, "Wake up, I know you're awake lair," he said. To keep from getting kicked in the chest again I sat up, rather slowly. I was sore, my head hurt and my chest hurt from being kicked. I also was careful of how I moved because I was aware that I was tied to Spencer and I didn't know how badly he was hurt. I knew he had at least been hit in the head. He directed a question at Spencer, "Can you really see into men's' minds, these vermin?"

"I can't see into their minds, I study human behavior," Spencer answered, the unsub didn't let it drop.

Our captor then pulled out a revolver, one that held six slugs. He then pulled out a single bullet and held it in front of Spencer's face, "Do you know what this? It's God's will," he said loading the 38mm bullet in the gun then spinning the chamber before slamming it shut. All three of us were unsure of where the bullet was.

"You don't have to do this," Spencer said, I could hear the fear in his voice, I looked back at him. He looked, defeated. I stood up and placed myself between him and the gun.

"What do you want from us?" I asked.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm just an instrument of God," he said pulling the trigger.

No bullet came. "What do you want?" I asked. I never got answer from him. At some point he left after playing this game of Russian Roulette for hours. I backed up to Spencer and I grabbed his hand. "Are you hurt?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I don't think so. Why did you come with me? Why not stay with JJ?" he asked.

"I know that I've known the team for about three years now, but I still don't trust them completely, my loyalty is to you," I said.

"You could have died just a little a while ago," he said as I was bending my head back to my hands. I was trying to get an earring so I could pick the hand cuffs. I managed to get one out. I started picking my hand cuffs.

"I know Spencer; I also know that life is not a permanent state. I'm not afraid to die, to die in place of one that I love I think is a good way to go. If I do lose my life Spencer, it _IS NOT YOUR_ fault," I said putting emphasis on the words 'is not your.' I managed to get my cuffs off and started on his. I couldn't get it done though before the unsub came back. But his body language was different, as in a different person. This was not Raphael, the man we had been talking to earlier. This was mentally someone different. I put the earring in my jeans pocket.

This new man had a lot of fire wood in his hands. He looked like a mean bustard. He came in and set the wood down leaving the door wide open. "You're not Raphael," Spencer said.

"Do I look like Raphael to you," he asked in a very gruff voice which had a tone of authority.

Spencer thanked him for burning the organs saying, "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe." This seemed to piss him off. Suddenly he picked up a flat wooden plank and a stool and he sat in front of Spencer and pulled off his shoes and only one of his socks.

"Don't you lie to me boy!" this new man said.

"I'm not a liar. I'm not a liar," Spencer said. Our captor was convinced we were nothing but liars. Our captor responded to our protestations of innocence by removing first Spencer's shoes and one of his socks, then mine, then telling us that we were sinners, and that if we merely confessed our sins, _this _would be over quickly standing over us. "I'm not a sinner. I'm not a sinner," Spencer said panicked and scared.

"Non sumus peccatores," I said very sternly. It was Latin for, _we are not sinners._ "You know Latin?" Our captor asked.

"Not well," I said.

Spencer, trying desperately to keep our captor from what he was about to do, began to recite from Leviticus, "The Lord spake unto Moses saying 'speak unto all of the congregation of The Children of the Lord and say unto them, you shall be holy for I the Lord your God am holy."

Which our captor recognized, asking "you know Leviticus?"

Spencer said, "Every word of the Bible. I can recite it."

"The devil knows how to read too," replied this new man that we could only assume that was the father.

"I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid. I have a mother and a father just like you and they taught me the Bible. Let me, let me just recite the Bible," Spencer said scared and panicked as this man stood from sitting in front of us took hold of his foot and a board.

"_KEEP_…_YOUR_…_HANDS_…_OFF_…_OF_…_HIM_," I said saying each word slowly, clearly, and enunciating them. My frame was small, I was 5'11 and I still had barely 100 pounds to throw around. In middle school I had lost a lot of weight and now I had a hard time keeping my weight where it needed to be, it was a little on the low side. But I sure as hell knew how to use it, I took self-defense classes.

"It's time to confess, Spencer Reid," our captor continued as though I hadn't spoken.

With that, our captor took hold of his ankle of his bare foot in one hand and a thick piece of wood in other and began to beat the sole of Spencer's foot, causing Spencer to cry out in pain with every stroke. I leapt up collided with him almost knocking this man to the floor. I bit him in the arm, and I hit a vein. I was hit in the head, the side of the face, the ribs and legs and hips. I managed to get in a few swings of my own before I collapsed. I knew that I was stronger than this, but I had been hit in the head, drugged and this man was bigger and stronger than I was, I looked up to try to get up to help Spencer and I noticed blood was dripping out of my mouth. I knew it was mostly our captor's, not mine.

When his captor told him to confess, Spencer panted, "I have nothing to confess." Every time Spencer replied that he had nothing to confess, our captor hit him again. I tried to intervene, but was hit in the ribs with the board when I came close to our captor. I was hit multiple times, as I didn't take a hint. I grabbed a thick board to hit our captor with it. I knew I was hurting him but he wasn't taking a hint either. Stubborn son of a bitch. I was aiming for nerves that would stop his heart or cause him to stroke out. I was sure I had injured ribs.

Our captor hit him again and again every time Spencer said "I have nothing to confess." Our captor told me the same thing. I decided not to strike yet, at the moment I was a little sore and I needed time to think so I could figure out how I was going to get us out alive.

"I've settled what you call sins with myself and dealt with things a long time ago. If you want a confession, you should go to confession because I have nothing to confess to _you_," I said. He hit me just as hard and just as long, and I did my best not to scream, but I did let a few screams pass my lips. My pain tolerance was through the roof. It wasn't really the hit from the board that hurt for me, it was the sting afterward.

He did one more thing to me. For me it was physical abuse, one I did not want to go through again, but to Spencer it was psychological torture. He put Spencer in a corner and a position so that he couldn't turn away. He could not move his chair or his body, the space he was in was too small for a cat, let alone a human being in a kitchen chair. This man stripped his belt and said, "Watch, if you try to turn away or close your eyes, I'll whip you boy."

Oh god no, I thought. "Please, he doesn't need to see this. Let him go, I'll stay here and you can do whatever you want to me as long as you let him go unharmed," I said.

"Tuff, you don't have any say in the matter," the man replied.

"Please don't make him watch and you can do whatever you want to me. Just don't make him watch, please," I plead. I figured I'd try again and again and again before I knew this mess became a bigger mess. We already had enough to deal with.

"Tuff, he's watching," _Charles _said. Spencer started to sob, but I could tell he was trying to fight it.

"I'm sorry you have to see this Spencer," I said. I just wished Spencer didn't have to see it. I had been raped multiple times before, I had learned how to deal, Spencer who's only trauma in life was being bullied hadn't a clue. He did tell me what the football team did to him, but he had no idea what he was about to see and experience. This would scar him for life. _Charles _started to rip off my pants and eventually he got them down so they were around my ankles. Spencer was starting to sob and beg him not to do this.

"I'm fine Spencer, please don't worry about me," I said. I had been raped so many times I knew how to keep this guy engaged while I tried to get the keys out of his pockets. I got the keys and a paper clip. I managed to slip them in my sock just moments before _Charles _lunged at Spencer. Before he lunged I had to wrap my legs around his waist and I had to use my hands to walk across the floor, just to prevent injury to myself because, well to put it frankly he was stuck. His belt came across Spencer's thigh. I pulled him away from Spencer and got his focus back on me before he could hit Spencer again.

By now Spencer was hysterical, and I couldn't blame him. _Charles _about went after Spencer again with his belt because he was so hysterical. To keep him from hitting Spencer I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him toward me, and gave him a look that was usually reserved for two people that were in love. It made me sick to my stomach, but it served its purpose, he forgot about Spencer. After about 5 more minutes our captor zipped his pants up and got ready to leave. I got mine back on.

Before he left I got up and leapt on his back scratching at his throat. I was also biting at him. I knew my behavior was closer to a wolf's than a human's right now. I had always felt that my spirit was in the form of a wolf, I couldn't explain it, I had known since I was a kid that my spirit was a wolf. I wasn't sure how I knew, I just did.

_Charles_ grabbed ahold of the back of my shirt at my shoulder blades on either side and threw me over his head. As I flew through the air I heard Spencer scream my name hysterically. He was uselessly pulling at his bonds trying to get free. I felt my back hit the wall and I slid down head first. I folded myself so my shoulder would hit the floor before my head. I felt my shoulder hit the floor first, it took almost a minute for the rest of my body to fall to the floor and when it did my hips hit hard. I was laying on my side much like a wolf and I let lose a snarl that no human could ever produce with their own vocal cords normally but I was pissed and when I was pissed I would commonly growl. This would probably convince him I was the devil but I knew I was strong enough; I just had to get back up and win.

When he looked at me I threw myself across the room at him. I managed to sink my teeth into his leg where his artery was close to the surface. I was like, just try me bud. I nicked that artery when he pulled away and I stood to attack him again as I lunged at him he grabbed the back of my shirt and held me away from him and started to attempt to drive a knife through my gut. I managed to get out of his reach, barely.

I made small gasps of pain as I was nicked by the knife. Spencer was now screaming and sobbing my name trying to get free from his bonds. To get _Charles _stop I kicked him in the nuts and he ran out the door. The knife had barely poked my skin; he hadn't done any serious damage. I just wish I had found the strength to throw myself onto his neck or take his knife from him and use it on him. He would have to get some kind of treatment for that leg. Human bites were nasty.

Breathing heavily, I went over to Spencer and tried to calm him down. "Spencer, Spencer, try to take a deep breath," I said trying to get him to calm down just a little bit.

"He killed you, he just fatally wounded you," Spencer said hysterically.

"No, Spencer he didn't," I said softly. He argued. "Spencer the wounds are superficial. If you don't believe me I can show you," I said calmly and gently. He shook his head still sobbing and I put my arms around him. As I hugged him I rubbed his back. Slowly he started to calm down. "Ssshhh, Spencer, I'm fine. Try to calm down, try to take a deep breath, I'm fine, I promise," I said.

"What do you mean your wounds are superficial?" he asked, his voice still shaking.

"That there is no major damage done," I answered. He looked confused so I lifted up my shirt and showed him. He stared in amazement as the wounds on my torso where already clotting.

I moved to the floor and I removed a few splinters from his foot and wrapped his foot using my scarf. "I'm sorry he hit you in the chest and in so many other places. I'm so sorry that he hit you and threw you across the room and that he," Spencer said unable to finish.

"I'm sorry he hit you and made you watch," I said looking up from wrapping his badly bruised foot that was sprained. "I am so sorry that you had to see all of that," I said.


	4. Chapter 4

I looked up at his face, "It isn't your fault Spencer; none of it is. Do you understand me?" I asked wiping his tears away from his face.

He nodded. I took his hand in mine. I knew he had a habit of blaming himself. I would take all the beating if I could. I would do it without a moment's hesitation. "How come you didn't react when he…?" Spencer asked as I carefully started to clean the cut on his leg.

"I have suffered a lot of abuse Spencer. It's not exactly the first time I've been raped. I know how to shut down so that I'm not there. It hurts less when you don't react. I also kind of put a wall between me and my emotions. I'm able to feel for others all too well, but not for myself. You know I will take all the beating without a moment's hesitation to keep you from getting hurt, and I would do it again."

He nodded, "I know, I just wish I could do the same for you right now," he said.

"I know you would if you were able to Spencer, I won't leave you here alone. I promise," I said. He just nodded. I pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. He cried into my shoulder. I knew most people who weren't tied would run the first chance they got. The truth was, I was as bound as he was, but my bonds weren't physical, they were mental and emotional. I couldn't leave my best friend; it had been too long since I had had a best friend. I couldn't lose him.

Then I started searching for the key. It was no longer in my sock, nor was the paper clip and it wasn't on the floor. I pulled my earring out of my pocket and stated working on his handcuffs again. I managed to get both off them off then another man came with a pig. Physically it looked like the same man as before but his body language was completely different. This was another personality, this was Tobias. "You need to eat," he said.

His voice was kind and gentle in comparison to the man that was here earlier.

"What's your name?" Spencer asked in voice that was soft and full of fear and nervousness.

"Tobias," the man replied.

"Tobias, who was here earlier?" Spencer asked.

"It was probably my father. I'm sorry if he hurt you," he said noticing Spencer's wrapped foot. Suddenly he stripped his belt and moved toward Spencer. I ran at him pushing him away.

"Don't, please, please, please don't, it won't help," I begged. Then I noticed some how he had managed to put Spencer's cuffs back on. He was completely restrained. I couldn't even tell him to run. He couldn't, he was bound again.

"It helps," Tobias said.

"For a moment, then it all comes back. It won't erase the past forever, only death can do that," I said. I only said that because I knew this man would not kill us. He pushed me down and put a needle in my arm. I felt a warm liquid spread through my veins, then darkness. I could only faintly hear Spencer saying, "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it," before the darkness completely took over.

"It helps," _Tobias_ said kindly, trying to reassure him. _Tobias_ then administered the drug. Spencer was out, seeing his past.

_Then I was running through the woods, running, trying to get away, but not being able to run fast enough. No matter how many times I ran, I couldn't get away from my father; this was some sort of sick game for him. He got some sort of release from chasing me then feeling me up. Then he would just leave me in the woods to find my way home for dinner. Once again I was caught, I screamed, but there was no one there to hear me. Within minutes he dropped me from the tree he had pushed me up and left me shaking, crying and scared. After about 30 minutes I whistled and a giant black horse appeared. I walked up to him and rubbed his face, "I need a ride home buddy," I said to him before I swung on to his back. I rode the horse at a fast pace home, though I wished I could stay here in the forest forever and hide. Here I wouldn't have to worry about people hurting me, but my father didn't take good care of my mother. I made sure she got her medicine, got at least 30 minutes of exercise every day and got her meals and got a shower._

Falling into a drug-induced stupor, Spencer flashed back to the time when his father left him and his mother. I knew that William refused to handle his wife's care any longer, stating that she refused to take care of herself and that he was out of options.

Spencer's POV

_My father was leaving, his suitcase was on the bed and he was zipping it up. HE was talking to my mother, he was saying, "I can't do this anymore Diana." He stated that she refused to take care of herself. She didn't take the best care of herself, but she wasn't incapable when she took her medicine. When my mother suggested that my father take me, even if only for a time, my father rebuffed the idea. At this, my mother called her husband weak-a tag he admitted suited him. He then bid me goodbye, and walked out the door._ _I was only about eight years old at the time-told my mother that I'm "not weak," to which she agreed and pulled me into a great hug._

Elle's point of view as she comes to

Spencer started to mutter that he wasn't weak; I was barely able to reach up and take his hand. "No, you're not," I said. Spencer was still chanting this admission-that he's not weak- in a strange sort of litany.

The persona of Hankel's _father_ was present when Spencer began his chant, and told him that for his part, "I don't give a damn whether you're weak or strong." He then informed a barely conscious Spencer that no matter how loud his cries got, no one will hear him in their location. I was the only one there that would hear him, besides our captor, I was just the only one that would care.

The drug we had been shot up with was Dilaudid, a heroin-like narcotic compound which _Tobias_ then cut with a psychedelic. The Dilaudid was a pain killer and very addictive. At this wretched cabin, Spencer's captor-the persona of _Charles Hankel_-violently pulled Spencer's head back across the back of his chair, asking "Are you ready?"

When Spencer queried, "Ready for what?"

His captor told him, "My weakling son (the persona of _Tobias_) believes that God gave you to me for a reason. Let's see if we're both right." He then abruptly turned Spencer's chair toward a small room and placed a digital recorder in front of him.

"You really see into mens' minds, these vermin?" _Charles_ asked. _Charles_ told Spencer to take a look at the people on each of fourlaptop screens. He then told Spencer to choose someone to die-in turn; he will also choose someone to live. He looked at me and told me the same thing.

"No," Spencer said.

"Choose one to die or they all die," _Hankel_ said.

Spencer refused, stating to his captor that "he is both a sadist and in the midst of a psychotic break, and that his word cannot be believed."

I tried turning the attention to me. "If someone must die, let it be me," I said. He ignored me, even though he wanted me to choose someone.

When told that "the other heathens are watching," Spencer interpreted this to mean the other members of his team were watching and chose his next few words carefully: "I won't choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."  
Enraged, _Charles_ pulled Spencer out of his chair to the extent of his bonds and told him that he is _not_ a liar. "Do you see into my mind? Do you see that I am not a liar!?" _Hankel_ said furious. I was also pulled to my feet. My hands had been tied behind my back and tied to Spencer's hand cuffs. He then told Spencer "Choose one to die otherwise they're all dead." I personally had no qualms about killing someone like our captor, but these people on the screens were innocent.

Defeated, Spencer told him that he will choose, but he'll choose who lives. He then let go of Spencer and Spencer fell back into his seat. I didn't fall as fast and I tried to slow his fall so he didn't land so hard. Satisfied, _Charles_ stepped back and let Spencer make his choice, "The far right screen." As promised, he said the name and address of the woman Spencer chose to be spared. As the screen went blank, the persona of _Raphael_ took over and turned off the camera, cutting the feed to the farmhouse. "Raphael," Spencer said recognizing who he was now talking too.

He told Spencer, "You've done your part. Now I do mine." I didn't know how to place the look on Spencer's face.

"It's not your fault," I said. He didn't respond. I bumped my head into his arm. He looked at me for a second, "It isn't your fault. Spencer look at me, it is in no way your fault, any of it." He didn't respond, but I knew he heard me.

We watched Gideon walk over to the web cam, which was still operational, and used it to send a message to us, "Reid, you are **_not_** responsible for these murders, as they're being committed by a man who's using God to justify murder. Reid you are stronger than him, he _cannot_ break you. Same for you Elle." Spencer and I received the message, but Spencer was still in shock.

I don't know if I was or not. I slipped out of my rope bonds and took Spencer's hand. I used my thumb to rub it. He started to cry and I pulled myself to my feet, shaking and put my arm around him. He put his face in my shoulder. I put one of my arms around his shoulders and my other hand was on the side of his head, holding him close to me. I pulled my earring out again after a while and went back to picking the locks on his hand cuffs. I managed to get his hands free and the chain that held him to the chair off. He then fell into my arms and cried. I wrapped my arms around him and held on to him.

An hour or two later _Tobias_ returned to the cabin. _Tobias_ prepped Spencer and me for another round of drug injections. When _Tobias_ apologized for leaving Spencer and I alone, Spencer told him that he can leave again-and he can take both of us with him. _Tobias _dismissed this idea, claiming that his _father_ would get angry with him.

Spencer, tried desperately to avoid being shot up, tried to convince _Tobias _that if he told us our location, he can have his and my friends come to save all three of us. _Tobias_ continued preparing the injection, telling Spencer that, "We can't be saved.

It's not worth fighting. Tell me it doesn't make it better," he said of the drugs, and Spencer, defeated, did not reply.

"Please don't," I said before he gave Spencer the drugs. He looked at me. "Don't please," I plead. It was no use. I was too injected yet again.

_It was my 15__th__ birthday, my mother and I had moved to D.C a few years ago. It was only months after that that she got a boyfriend. At first he was nice. But after my 15__th__ birthday he changed, my friends had left in the morning after sleeping over and the next night he came into my room. He had never come into my room at night before. He was young, but I was about 15 years younger. He climbed onto the bed with me. "Wake up Elle," he said. I moaned and rolled over so that I wasn't facing him. I was doing my best to act as though I was a sleep._

_He suddenly grabbed my shoulder quickly and roughly he forced me down on my back, "you look at me when I talk to you," he said sternly. He threw my blankets back off the bed and started to pull my pants down. I opened my mouth to protest or scream, he placed his hand on my mouth, "you make a sound, I will kill you and your mother," he said. I believed him, so I stayed silent. After about an hour he left the room. I went to take a shower after a few hours._

Spencer's POV

_In another drug-induced state, I flashed back to a memory of my mother lying in bed, her books strewn all over the covers. I tried to convince my mother to get out of bed, as her doctor has prescribed exercise, but my mother refused. After arguing with her for a few minutes, I gave up, and told my mother that I planned to go outside and play. When my mother offered to read to me, I agreed and hopped up on the bed. I chose a volume by Proust, and my mother began to read, complimenting me on my choice._

Elle's POV

As Spencer continued in his drug-induced stupor, our captor looked on at his computer screens, content in what he was seeing. Soon Spencer and I came out of our stupor. When the warning posted, it was a mass virus warning—I guess Garcia sent it out, but when it appeared on the screen _Charles_ became enraged. He turned his anger on Spencer, screaming, "NO! No! NO! They're trying to silence my message." Spencer tried to reason with our captor, telling him that he has no influence over what the others do, as he's not with them-he's with him. _Charles_ said "Really," and began playing the message Gideon sent to Spencer.

Spencer, terrified, squeaked, "I don't know what he's talking about."

"You're a liar," _Hankel_ said.

"He was talking to me. He forgot to call me by my first name. We're brother and sister," I said, desperately trying to get the attention focused on me. Being brother and sister we would have the same last name. He ignored me. _Charles_ towered over Spencer menacingly, and then noticed the sleeve that _Tobias_ rolled up. I slipped out of my new rope bonds that were tied tighter and stood up. Grabbing Spencer's arm, he saw the injection marks on Spencer's arm and declared that Spencer is just as pitiful as his son. "You're pitiful, just like my son."  
_Charles_ then activated the camera, telling Spencer, "this ends now." _Charles _demanded that Spencer confess his sins. He began beating Spencer savagely, demanding that he confess. "Confess," Our captor said after each blow when Spencer said, "I have nothing to confess. I haven't done anything."

I leapt upon him and was kicked in the ribs. It took a few more kicks and knees to the chest though to get me off of him. Spencer refused, stating that he has nothing to confess, and between blows he cried out for _Tobias_ to help him. Our captor said, "He can't help you."

He was referring to what Spencer had said, "_Tobias_, help me." I kept leaping upon our captor but was kicked in the ribs so many times that they broke and I fell in a heap on the floor. I also received a few good whacks to the head. When Spencer continued to proclaim his innocence, he shoved him over onto the floor, chair and all. I had to find the strength to get back up. I got up and started to make my way to him.

The impact of the fall to the floor-coupled with the beatings and the drugs-sent Spencer into a grand Mal seizure. As he seized, gasping for air, _Charles_ merely noted that the "devil" is leaving Spencer's body. He said, "That's the devil vacating your body." I tried to get up to get to him. I had to crawl over there. When I tried to get up, I found a boot coming at my side. Even after I was kicked I got up and came to him. Spencer fell unconscious.

_Crap!_ I thought. Our captor had left the room and I pulled Spencer out of the chair, he was still free from his bonds, and laid him flat on the floor and put my jacket under his head. Then I started to give him CPR. I would first breathe air into his lungs then beat his heart for him at a regular rhythm. I counted as I beat his heart, 1,2,3,4, 5then I breathed air into his lungs again and beat his heart again and just repeated the process. "Come on Spencer, don't give up. We're going to get out of here, I promise, come on Spencer, fight," I said.  
Outside, I could hear _Tobias's_ personalities clash. As _Charles_ proclaimed that _Tobias's_ work was done, _Tobias_ protested that God gave Spencer to him for a reason. _Charles_ smugly mused on what might save Spencer now-the breath out of a killer's body? With that, _Tobias_ raced back into the cabin. He pushed me off and started CPR.

After a bit Spencer gasped, Spencer gasped, sputtered, and regained consciousness. As he regained awareness, _Raphael_ emerged, stating that there must be a reason for Spencer's miraculous recovery-other than the fact that he received CPR. "You came back to life," _Raphael_ said. I went to Spencer's side.

"_Raphael_," Spencer said.

"You came back from the dead. There can only be two reasons," _Raphael_ said.

"I was given CPR," Spencer said in a weak voice. Determined, _Raphael_ asked Spencer how many members are on his team. When Spencer replied that there are "seven." _Raphael_ began to recite from Revelations about the seven archangels versus the seven angels of death. He then set the chair aright; he started to drag Spencer who winced in pain as he did so. I ran over and picked him upcausing me to wince in pain.

I gently set Spencer in the chair. I then sat down next to him. Spencer was then asked to choose one of the other members of the team to die. Spencer, incredulous, refused. "Your team has 6 other members. Choose one to die," _Raphael _said.

"I won't do it," Spencer said.

"If a team member must die, let it be me," I said pulling myself to my feet.

"You aren't a team member," _Raphael _said.

"I'm an undercover agent investigating the bureau. I'm with the CIA. You're not going to catch a bigger fish than me. Let him go and do whatever you want to with me," I said letting my loose shirt slide off my shoulders exposing my skin and some of my body. I decided to tell a big lie and hopefully stall for time. I hoped it would be enough for the team to find us. When _Raphael_ insisted, Spencer chose himself, but _Raphael_ wouldn't allow it, he wouldn't allow my choice either. _Raphael _pulled out the revolver and pointed it at Spencer.

"Choose," _Raphael _said.

"No," Spencer said.

"Life is a choice," _Raphael _said.

"No," Spencer said. _Raphael_ clicked the gun by pulling the trigger.

"Choose," _Raphael_ said.

"I won't do it," Spencer said. Again the trigger was pulled. Spencer made a choice or we would continue to have a go at the game of Russian roulette which I was in the middle of. I was having a hard time standing up, I was so sore it hurt to stand up right.

Raphael continued to play, trying to point the revolver around me at Spencer's head and pulling the trigger. Finally, at the fourth prompting, Spencer broke down and made a choice: "Aaron Hotchner." Spencer explained that Hotch is a classic narcissist, and quoted a passage from Genesis to prove his point.


	5. Chapter 5

Our captor fired the gun over our heads and left. Spencer had ducked and flinched when the gun went off, I couldn't blame him. I didn't flinch; bullets had flown past my ears before. I sat back down. Spencer looked at me, "I am so sorry Elle. I shouldn't have had us split up," he said his voice breaking. I reached up to take his hand. He reached over and took my hand.

"It isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. Don't blame yourself. Do not. It is not your fault," I said. He started to object. "Spencer, I'll heal. I'm more worried about you. This isn't something you can just bounce back from. I would do this again to protect you," I said waving my hand over my chest referring to my injuries.

"You seem unaffected by it," he said.

"I've had a rough life. I've already been through hell," I said.

"This isn't hell for you?" Spencer asked incredulously.

"I've been raped and chased for hours on end, then left alone in the woods, but yes this is hell for me," I said.

Some time passed and Tobias came back, before I could get us out. At the cabin, Spencer drank from a cup of water that _Tobias_ held out for him. As he drank, Spencer asked an important question: "are we in a cemetery?" _Tobias_ told him that we were-he used to come to this place to get high. Spencer smiled, glad that he had gotten the location right. Spencer also realized that it was the persona of _Tobias_ that saved his life, and he thanked him.

However, _Tobias_ got a slack look on his face, and he apologized for saving Spencer, who asked why. _Tobias_ told him that in the end, his _father_ will eventually win; Spencer inferred that _Tobias_ believed he's only prolonged his suffering more. _Tobias_ also mentioned I was already preforming CPR when he came he too performed CPR.  
_Tobias_ then injected another dose of drugs into Spencer's and my system, Spencer flashed back to the day he institutionalized his mother. I saw something else.

_I had packed my bag and hidden it in my closet below the floor. I had my favorite clothes, my dream catchers in it, my two utmost favorite stuffed animals in it and my hygiene products in it, a couple of blankets, my pillows, my pictures of my friends and my favorite books. I only had three books, the rest were on my kindle, and of course I packed my laptop, kindle, IPod, cell phone and IPod speakers._

_I was later that day going to the FBI and I had movers coming to move all my stuff to storage, so that I could still have it. They were coming at seven in the morning. After my stuff was moved to storage I went down to the FBI office in Quantico. There was a very handsome young man just heading in the doors, he was struggling with them given the amount of coffee he was trying to carry. I ran up to him and took one of the trays from him and got the door saying, "Let me help you."_

_ "__Thank you," he had replied._

_ "__You're welcome," I said. I then asked, "You are FBI right?"_

_ "__Yeah," he said._

_ "__And you do take reports of sexual harassment, well I guess rape would be the more appropriate word," I said._

_ "__Yeah, my team does work rape cases," he said._

_We both walked into the elevator and I tried not to have a panic attack. Then I was in an interview room with him._

Spencer's POV

_I was eighteen, and though it pained me to send her away, I realized that I could no longer care for my mother on my own. She was in her library in our home, I called Bennington_ _Sanitarium. Two men dressed in white came into the room with me, she asked me what they were doing here and that they couldn't be here without permission. I told her that I called them. She started to cry, because she didn't want to leave, that this was her home and her things, her life. I just wanted to get her help._

Elle's POV

As he came out of the stupor, he repeated the words "I'm sorry" over and over.

When he did, _Charles_ asked him "What are you sorry for?" When he told him about sending his mother away, _Charles _referenced Exodus, which stated that anyone who denies their father-or their mother-shall surely be put to death.

Which he asked Spencer if he knew his Bible and Spencer said, "And he who denies his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."

He then walked over to Spencer, knelt down, and unlocked his handcuffs which must have been put back on him when he was in his stupor. I looked up from the floor. Spencer, weak and in shock, can only look on in horror as _Charles_ told him to "Grab a shovel." He turned to me, "You too," he said to me. Clearly he bought that we were brother and sister. I looked at Spencer, "I'm sorry," I said.  
In the cover of night and beneath the trees _Charles_ stood watch over Spencer and me, we were being forced to dig our own grave. If we were forced to share, I was sure I could break us out. He told Spencer and me that he planned to bury us alive, so that we would have time to think about what we've done. "I know what I've done," Spencer said in weak and scared voice.

"Don't talk back to me," _Charles_ said.  
Spencer and I noticed the light from flashlights cutting through the dark. When _Charles_ told him to dig faster, Spencer said to him, "I'm not strong enough." _Charles_ then took off his coat and grabbed the shovel, rebuking Spencer for his weakness. I tried to block him, but it was hard to move with several broken ribs. I tried to dig faster and support Spencer with part of my shoulder. However, he also noticed Spencer's face as the beams of light came closer, and before _Charles_ could stop him Spencer had drawn the revolver from his coat pocket-the one with only one bullet in the cylinder. As _Charles_ made a note of that fact, Spencer pulled the trigger, ejecting the lone bullet from the revolver and striking our captor straight in the chest.

As he lay dying, the persona of _Tobias_ congratulated Spencer on killing his _father_. He then asked if he'll get to see his mom again, and then died. Just then the team showed up, collecting a severely beaten and traumatized Spencer from the ground. He hugged Hotch, thanking him for getting his message, and told JJ that what happened wasn't her fault. Before we left, though, he asked if he could have a minute alone with me.

The others headed out, and Spencer knelt over _Tobias's_ body, deftly fishing out the vials of narcotics out of his pocket and placing them into his own. Though I was feet away I saw and shook my head. I wouldn't ask about it. Both of us had had enough for a while. I had been traumatized before, but I had never been kidnapped.

Spencer walked up to me, "Did you happen to say something in a strange language when I was out?" I knew what he meant. I had spoken elfish when I was giving him CPR.

"I did," I replied.

"Could you say it again so I can understand it?" he asked almost falling over. I caught him and pulled his arm over my shoulder.

"Yeah," I replied ignoring the ache in ribs. "_Lasto beth nîn. Tolo dan na ngalad._ (Hear my voice, come back to the light)" I said.

"How do you know that language?" Spencer asked.

"I learned it from a movie," I replied.

We were pretty much silent the rest of the walk to car, I just had one more thing to say, I had to say it before I went insane. "I'm sorry I didn't get us out of there, I'm sorry I didn't protect you better." I had to get it off my chest. I knew he wouldn't hold it against me.

"We're going home now. You defended me fine; you broke your bonds and mine. You defend well for someone who hasn't slept," he replied. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or if he was trying to reassure me. I just nodded. Soon we made it to the car. Hotch took both of us to the hospital.

"Get some rest," Derek said from the passenger seat. I laid Spencer in my lap so he could sleep. I wanted him close, I had almost lost him tonight, I didn't want to feel that again.

We soon arrived at the hospital. Under Hotch's request we were put in the same room, which was probably a good idea, we both might have had some separation anxiety. The doctors x-rayed my ribs and the rest of my body and checked my heart because I had been kicked and hit so many times. I was cleared, in other words, I was okay. They checked Spencer out; he would be all right with some time. They hooked me up to some morphine and an IV and I fell asleep.

It was confirmed that I had hair line fractures to my ribs, I had sprained my wrist and my shoulder was dislocated. The pain medicine was making me sleepy. Spencer was sleeping in a bed next to me. I woke up at two in the morning according to the clock and the darkness outside. I soon fell back to sleep because of the drugs and the sheer stress of what I had been through. I hadn't slept those two days Spencer and I were missing. I was too busy trying to get us out, but that never happened.

Later that night I thought I heard Spencer talking in his sleep, I tried to get up to go to him. I was sure I heard him calling out my name. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get up, the medication in my system felt like restraints and a heavy fog that weighed me down. I was trapped within my own body, confined to my hospital bed, sentenced to listen to Spencer without being able to get up to help. I tried to fight the fog to get up and go to him. The medication being steadily pumped into my veins eventually won and I fell back into darkness.

I awoke in the morning, starving, but something else soon came over my mind and I forgot my hunger. Spencer had his back turned to me and he was crying. I got up and walked over to his bed and climbed into the bed and laid down behind him. I put my arm around him. He rolled over and put his face into my chest and threw one arm over my side, pulling me closer to him and slipping the other arm under my neck. I knew there was nothing I could do to make him feel better, the damage was done. Time would heal the physical wounds, but the emotional and mental ones would never fully heal, they would always be there, become scars that he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

The team came in, but he didn't look up. A nurse came in and yelled at me for getting up and moving with my broken ribs, but she stopped mid-sentence when she saw why I had gotten up. She left mumbling something about going to go to get our breakfast. The team stepped outside. I kept my arms around Spencer and sat up. I rubbed his back, "Ssshhh Spencer, easy, we're safe now, try to take a deep breath, easy Spencer," I said in the most comforting voice I could manage.

"Don't leave, don't leave me, don't go. Don't leave me here alone," he said panicked. I rubbed his back and pulled him closer to me.

"I'm here Spencer, right here, I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you, I promise," I said. He clung to me tightly. "We're safe now Spencer," I said kissing him on the side of the head. The nurse came back with our breakfast and she took the rails down on the beds so they could be side by side, leaving the other rails up.

"Don't go," Spencer said to me as soon as the nurse left.

"I will never leave you Spencer, I just need both of my hands to get some of my food started," I said. He slipped one of his arms around mine and put his head on my shoulder. "I'm here for you Spencer, and I always will be," I said.

While we were in the hospital he clung to me. I didn't mind, I cried into his chest a few times, but he did so more to me. He had been physically and psychologically tortured. He was forced to watch my rape, and I didn't react, but to pull the guy off of him and to keep him from whipping Spencer more than once. Then a nurse came in, "I need to talk to you privately," she said. Spencer wrapped his arms around my waist a little too tightly.

"Not so tight Spencer," I said in a soft voice trying to keep the pain out of it. My ribs were still healing. He loosened his grip. "Whatever you have to say to me you can say to him," I said.


	6. Chapter 6

"It's regarding the tests you ordered," she said. I gestured for her to continue. "Your tests came back clean and you're not pregnant," she said. I had order tests for STDs and a pregnancy test. I let out a sigh of relief and started to cry in relief. So did Spencer.

We were finally allowed to go home. Spencer wanted to go back to work; I thought we should take some more time. I knew I wasn't quite ready to go back yet. "Spencer please, just take some time, you may not be as ready as you think you are. I know I'm not ready and I promised you that I wouldn't leave you, but I cannot force myself to do something that I'm not ready to, please," I said.

"I can't sit still Elle, my mind needs to be elsewhere, I want to forget," Spencer said.

"I understand Spencer, but the work that you do may not be the best way to do that," I said.

"I just want to forget," Spencer said starting to cry.

I put my arms around him, "I know Spencer, I know." I wanted him to talk to me, I was going to therapy, I was trying to convince him to come with me. "Please Spencer give me two weeks, talk to me, and I'll talk to you, please, I want to help," I said.

He put his arms around me, "I know, I just, I don't know," he said.

"You were afraid for your life and that you might lose a close friend, who you had to watch be tortured and I know, it's a lot to process. I know how to process some of this stuff Spencer, please take a few more weeks off of work and let me help you," I said. I had been abused, I knew how to process that.

Later that night I heard screaming, then sobbing coming from his room. I got up and ran from the couch and came into his room. "Spencer!" I said concern thick in my voice.

"Hankel! He's here!" Spencer said nearing shouting.

He was having a nightmare, "No Spencer, you were dreaming, you and I are the only ones here," I said. He looked around his room panicked. "I promise Spencer. Would you like me to check the apartment?" I asked. He nodded handing me his gun. I took it out of its case and I started in his room. As soon as I was out of his room I put the safety on, and cleared the rest of the apartment. I came back to his room, "not so much as a mouse Spencer. Would you like me to stay with you tonight?" I asked. He nodded.

The next night he woke up screaming again. I came to him from the living room. "The dream catcher isn't working," he said going for it.

I grabbed his wrists and turned him to face me, "It won't prevent all bad dreams Spencer, it only helps reduce the frequency. Please try to relax," I said. He sat back down on the bed and cried into my chest. I was trying to help him and he was starting to talk to me, and I was moving forward, but I think I was moving forward much faster than him.

After a few weeks he tried to go back to work, but he wasn't right. He was doing something, I could tell, so could the rest of the team. They knew something was wrong with him. One case he talked to Morgan and he got the same talk about empathy that I had given him. On another case he and Emily got into a dispute. He had never had a dispute with Emily. After that dispute she tried to follow him, "let me go to talk to him," I said going to him. It took me awhile to get him to open up. On another case he was coming down from a high, which was the one he got into a dispute with Emily. Another case he missed a plane to talk to his friend and I went with him, his friend could tell he was on something. His friend told him so and that he knew so because he was a jazz player in New Orleans. He also told him that if he knew, then his team knew, being that they were some of the greatest minds in the world so could they. And if he could tell and he thought his team didn't notice, for a genius that was just dumb.

I talked to him every day, and tried to get him to talk to me. I also let him see me cry, so he knew that he was not alone in struggling with this. He had a hard time trying to comfort me when I cried. I put the side of my face on his chest and grabbed his hand and pulled his arm over my shoulder. I just held his hand. He never fought me; he let me wrap myself around him. His arms felt so safe, always. For some reason it felt like I was home when his arms were around me.

One day I was in the bathroom, I had just gotten out of the shower and was wrapped in my bathrobe that was made from the same material as a towel. Then the memories came flooding back so powerfully I wanted to forget, I wanted out of my own body. I wanted the darkness to overwhelm me, the only way for that was for me to cut myself. I grabbed my razor blade and made a shallow gash on my wrist.

I saw the blood bubbling up on my wrist and start to pour on to the floor. I soon started to feel dizzy; I sat down and prompted myself up against the tub wall. I don't know how much time passed but I was becoming aware of someone calling my name. It only sounded a whisper to my ears, but I could hear hysteria in the voice, sheer panic. "Spencer!" I thought. "No! He can't see this," I thought. He was now pounding on the door which was locked. "Elle!" I heard him yell but yet still little more than a whisper to me.

The door came flying open. "Oh my God! ELLE!" he nearly shouted kneeling down beside me. He took his tie and tied it around my wrist. It was tight, too tight.

"I'm fine Spencer, the cut isn't that deep," I said forcing the words out.

"You're bleeding! You can't do this to yourself! You can't kill yourself!" he said.

"You're doing it to yourself," I said in a soft voice starting to regain consciousness.

"What?" he asked.

"The drugs," I said. "Every injection that you give yourself is a chance that you take on your life and brain cells that you kill, you are slowing dying from the drugs." He reached for his cell phone and I grabbed his hand. "I'm fine. You don't need to call anyone," I said in the most demanding voice I could manage. He looked at me, "Yeah, I know about the drugs, it's very obvious Spencer. Please, I want to help, drugs aren't necessary to forget," I said.

"Neither is this," Spencer said referring to my cutting.

"I know, but it does for me what the drugs do for you, it takes my mind off of it when the memories become too much and you have to remember Spencer I had eight years of hell before this. It's how I make the memories go away for a while," I said trying not to cry.

"Then you know I need the drugs," Spencer said.

I sighed; I was going to have to make a deal that neither of us were going to like. "I'll get help for my cutting, only if you get help for your issue. We can go to therapy together for why were both doing what we are doing, but I can't go to NA with you, I can wait in the car though," I said looking at him. I was now sitting up on my own. I hadn't cut myself in 18 months.

"I can't, I can't," Spencer said. I pulled the tie off my wrist, it was far too tight. I never cut myself deep enough to put my life in danger.

I got up so I was sitting on my knees and put my hand that wasn't covered in my blood on his shoulder. "You can't what Spencer?" I asked in the most sympathetic voice I could manage. Tears started to roll down his face and I wiped them away. "Whatever you tell me stays between us," I said.

"I can't talk about it, not to a stranger; I can barely bring myself to talk to you about it with you. You'll get help for your cutting?" he asked.

"Only if you hold up your side of the bargain," I said. He nodded and pointed to his watch indicating that we needed to go to work. "Go without me, I'll be there as soon as I can, I need to clean up here," I said.

"What if there is a flight?" he asked.

"I'll take care of it," I said grabbing the bleach and a sponge from under the sink and I started scrubbing. Luckily the blood had missed all fabric but my towel and of course the tie he had tied around my wrist. Once I was sure that I had everything wiped down I threw my towel in the wash and got the blood off of me. I then bandaged my wrist and got dressed. I grabbed my go bag, a bagel and a cup of milk and I ran out the door locking it and I ran down the stairs, not bothering with the elevator and hailed a cab. "To the FBI office in Quantico please, as quickly as possible," I said to the cabby.

"Yes ma'am," he said. He got me there rather quickly and I passed him two $20s and ran into the office and saw Spencer heading for the plane.

"Spencer, wait up," I called across the room breathless. He stopped and turned around.

"Elle! Come on hurry, wheels up in five," he said. I ran across the room to him and he put his arm around my waist. Both of us hurried to catch up with the others. We got onto the plane and Hotch noticed I was with Spencer.

"Where were you this morning Elle?" he asked.

"I'm…sorry…sir…I had…some…personal…stuff to…deal with. It…won't…happen…again," I panted from running since I got out of the cab.

"What kind of personal stuff?" Hotch asked.

"The…kind I…rather… not talk…about," I said desperately trying to catch my breath. He let it drop and I was glad. I sat down beside Spencer, Morgan was across from me and Hotch was across from Spencer. I had worn long sleeves to hide my bandage.

The case was in Florida, girls were being abducted and tortured for a few days then their bodies turned up wrapped in plastic, but other that completely naked. The team thought we had a team of two men killing these women. "If I may," I said speaking up, "I think it might be a man and a woman, with the woman being dominant," I said.

"Why?" Hotch asked.

"Only a woman knows where the most powerful points on another woman's body are that can inflict pain and pleasure. Those points that cause pain have bruising. Most men don't bother to learn this, they just want pleasure for themselves, no offense," I said.

"None taken," Spencer said.

"How do you know these points?" Emily asked.

"My mom taught me, it's about the only thing she ever taught me," I said.

"What are some of these points?" JJ asked.

"May I?" I asked. I wanted to apply just a slight amount of pressure on her to these points. "I promise all you'll feel is pressure," I said.

She consented and I took her hand, "between the thumb and forefinger is a pressure point, it can be used to treat a headache, or create discomfort," I said applying a little pressure on JJ's hand.

"That is uncomfortable," she said.

"Now imagine that someone had a death grip on that nerve," I said and she winced.

I moved to her back and pressed multiple spots and she almost fell to the ground in orgasm. I caught her before she hit the floor. "How did you do that?" she asked.

"Magic fingers, I learned that from my mom," I said.

"Talk about self-service," Morgan said. I smacked him up the back of the head.

"You can't do it yourself. Come here and I'll do the same to do you and you'll see why you can't do it yourself," I said. He stood up. "Fortunately this one works the same as it does for men and women, I don't have to press on any different nerves," I said. He too almost fell to the floor. "Enjoy yourself?" I asked.

We worked the case, and the pair was man and woman as I predicted. After we got home Spencer grabbed my hand and led me to an office that no one was using. "You said you would get help if I did right?" he asked. I nodded. "That we go to therapy together?" he asked. I nodded again. "And you have it tonight, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Can I come?" he asked.

I embraced him, "Of course Spencer, you're always welcome to come," I said. I was seeing somebody in the office so we didn't have to go far. I kept my arm around him and he was shaking. "Are you all right Spencer?" I asked.

He nodded, "Nervous," he said.

I pulled him closer to me. "You remember the promise that I made you, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do," he said leaning into me. "You promised me that you would never leave, that you always be there for me," he said.

"Yeah, and I mean it Spencer, and I will do everything to keep it," I said. We arrived at the office and I knocked on the door.

"Name," I heard through the door.

"Elle Green, and I brought my friend," I said.

"Enter," the strange voice said and the door swung inwards. We both entered a waiting room and sat down.

"That was strange," Spencer said.

"FBI office," I said.

"Point taken," he said. We both sat on the love seat and he kept both arms around me. We were shortly called back to an office. Spencer sat right beside me.

"I see you brought your friend tonight Elle," Dr. Wolf said.

I looked at her, "With his consent, we're both here for some help," I said.

"Because of what happened?" she asked.

"You know?" Spencer asked.

"I know her side of things, that's why she has been coming. What can I help the both of you with?" She asked.

Spencer looked down and sent me a small signal. "I cut myself today because the memories became too much and he developed a drug problem due to the fact he was shot up with it every few hours," I said.

"You cut yourself this morning?" she asked.

"Not deep enough to do serious damage," I said.

"Enough to scare me," Spencer said.

"That's how she's learned to cope, we are trying to find a different way for her cope, but cutting has been ingrained in her since she was a teen," Dr. Wolf said.

"I'm scared out of my mind when you shoot up Spencer," I said.

"It helps me forget," he said.

"The memories will always be there, nothing can change that," I said.

"How did you get the drugs?" Dr. Wolf asked.

"I…took them, from the guy that," Spencer said struggling to finish. I started to rub his back. "Hurt us," he finished, forcing it through a sob that was breaking through his chest. I continued to rub his back and he leaned into me. I put my arms around him.

"When do you take the drugs?" Dr. Wolf asked.

"When I want to forget," Spencer said.

"What I meant is do you take the drugs when you feel like the memories are swallowing you whole and you just want out or when you can't stop thinking about it?" she asked.

"Both," Spencer said. "I was forced to watch him rape her. I could do nothing to stop it and she just laid there while he did it, till he hit me, that's when she reacted," he said now sobbing uncontrollably. He was barely understandable. I pulled him in closer and wrapped both arms around him.

"She was raped before Dr. Reid, she found a way of coping, one that may not be as easily accepted as fighting," she said.

"I did what was right by me Spencer. I tried to get us out of there. I promise you I did, but picking a hand cuff with an earring isn't that easy. I am so sorry that I did not get us out. I am so sorry that you had to see that. I wish I could've stopped it. I wish that with all my heart, but what is done is done. I can't change it now," I said.

"I have nightmares over it," he said to me in a somewhat harsh tone.

"Easy Spencer, I know. You've woken up screaming more than once and a few times you were convinced that Hankel was in the apartment and I ask you if you would like me to check the apartment and you nod and give me your gun. I of course check it thoroughly, but never find anything," I said.

"Are you prepared to give up the drugs and Elle the cutting?" Dr. Wolf asked. I nodded. She handed Spencer a piece of paper, "NA meetings in D.C," she said. Then she handed him a card, "This is encase she cuts herself again, she will have to be hospitalized, this is a number you can call," she said. She then handed me a card, "This is encase he shoots up again, you call this number," she said.

"I want to help, but his career, I call, I could end it. He loves his job," I said.

"He won't have a job if he doesn't get over his addiction and it could cost him his life," she said. That was callous. I knew it was true but still, it was callous. We were there for a few more hours talking. When we finally got to the car Spencer broke down and sobbed gut wrenching sobs. I put my arms around him and held him tightly.

"I can't put you in the hospital, that would ruin your chances of joining the team," he said. I could understand him, but I doubted anyone else would be able to.

"I can't end your career, so let's make sure we never have to call those numbers. I'll get rid of my razor blade and you get rid of the drugs," I said.

He nodded, "tonight," he said about to get in the driver's seat. I put my arms around him to stop him and held my hand out for the key, "right," he said giving it to me and going to the passenger side. We had agreed when one of us was upset, the other if that individual was more clear headed would drive. Right now he was more upset than I was.


	7. Chapter 7

We went home and collected our means of forgetting and checked each other. I knew he had two bottles and a needle and syringe. He had his and I had mine. We took them to a biohazard dump at a hospital and then left to go home. "You know I love you," I said to Spencer.

"I know, I just don't know how to classify what I feel for you, I've never had a girlfriend," he said. I wasn't that surprised. He was a little odd, but I thought he was perfectly normal, but then again I wasn't normal, so I wasn't really one to talk.

"I've never had a boyfriend," I said looking at him for split second then I put my eyes back on the road. At a red light I said, "We could try being boyfriend and girlfriend and figure out if that's how we really feel about each other."

"I don't know," Spencer said. "I've never done anything like dating before. I won't know what I'm doing." I reached my hand closest to him out to him and took his hand and gently squeezed, trying to comfort him.

"Neither will I, and who says a date has to be complicated. Why not a movie and dinner," I said. "Or going out to celebrate one another's birthday."

"You're real simple aren't you?" he asked.

"I guess," I said. I could sense how hesitant he was. "We can take it slow," I said. I wasn't in a big rush.

"I would like that, but I need some time to think," he said. I drove the rest of the way home in silence. I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building that we both called home. He didn't move and neither did I.

"I don't know, I'm not exactly a prize," Spencer said.

"Neither am I, I guess that makes us a closer match than most," I said.

"You have your looks going for you," Spencer said.

"Ohohh Dr. Spencer Reid, you have no idea how hot you look, do you? With that beautiful medium length wavy light brown hair, those brown eyes, your amazingly slender build and how intelligent you are, you are sexy," I said leaning on the car with my arms crossed on the roof and my head resting on my arms.

"My rambling bothers people," he said heading for the door. I closed my car door and locked the car and followed him.

"It doesn't bother me. I would listen to you ramble all day long," I said.

He stopped and looked at me, "You wouldn't cut me off mid-sentence?" he asked.

"The only time I would, would be to pardon myself to go to the bathroom real quick," I said.

"I wouldn't put you to sleep?" he asked.

"Not normally, but it depends on how tired I am. The more tired I feel the harder it is for me to focus," I said.

"You're serious?" he said.

"Dead," I replied. I knew what I felt inside and my body was screaming at me to jump his bones, but I had great restraint. I never knew I could feel this way about any man especially after two men that I was supposed to be able to trust hurt me and broke that trust in the worst way possible.

"So let me get this straight, your 21, never had a boyfriend, you're interested in me, you think I'm to die for, that I'm not boring, even when I ramble uncontrollably and you're willingly to take it slow?" he asked.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," I said. He nodded. We continued walking, and I walked into the elevator with him. I was now able to get in one without fear. I still didn't trust them; it was just much faster normally than the stairs.

"Ok, let's take it slow," Spencer said. I hugged him and he hugged me back and I was sure I felt a few tears hit my shoulder. I pulled back to look at him.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"Fine, I just can't believe a girl likes me for me, even though I'm screwed up because of what happened," he said.

I wiped tears away from his face, "Never be anything but you. It's too hard to be someone else. And you're not the only one that's a little messed up over this ordeal," I said. Later that night I woke up to screaming. I ran into Spencer's room, he was asleep. He screamed a blood curling scream. I walked over to him quite quickly and I grabbed a hold of his shoulders and shook him, "Spencer, Spencer wake up! You're dreaming! Wake up!" I said getting louder and louder. He wasn't waking, even when I patted the side of his face quite hard. I finally grabbed his glass of water and threw it in his face, and yelled, "Wake up!"

He sat bolt upright. "Elle?" he asked.

"I'm here Spencer, would you like me to stay?" I asked.

He nodded, "I want to talk," he said. I sat up the rest of the night listening to him talk about his nightmare. He was reliving our kidnapping and this time he wasn't tied but he couldn't get to me fast enough to stop what was going to happen. I knew he would if he could, but physically I wasn't sure if he would've been able to take on our captor. Our captor lived in the country, he split wood, most likely had livestock at some point in his life, he was very strong; I knew Spencer was strong but I didn't know if he was strong enough for that fight. But I didn't mention this to him.

In the morning I was exhausted. I didn't drink coffee so I tried a five hour energy drink, I needed something, and I didn't drink caffeine. I had finales at school so I left a note and took off early because of the ungodly hour I had to be at school. I managed to pass all of my finales, I had to take them different days than everybody else because of my smarts, I was ahead. I took them a month early, after this; I would be certified as a profiler, and a psychoanalyst with a background in forensics, criminology, criminal justice, obsession crimes, arson, serial killer profiles and abnormal psychology. In a few weeks I would have my degree and my papers. I could ask for a job at the BAU.

I headed to the office after my tests and took another five hour energy drink. I had work tonight at the club I sang at and danced, tonight I had to fill in someone else's shift so instead of my normal three hours, of 5 to 8 I had 5 to 11. I needed all the energy I could get. I invited the team to come and watch for as long as they wanted. Spencer usually stayed or came and got me if he couldn't come and watch. He knew that I didn't like getting into a cab at that time of night or walking; I knew the horrible things that people were cable of.

When I got home that night I fell asleep before I could hit the sofa. I became aware of someone slipping in behind me. I turned my head and opened my eyes slightly, it was Spencer. "Sorry, I just don't want to be alone. I seem to have fewer nightmares when you're near," he said. I had fallen back to sleep before he had completely finished his sentence, he wouldn't hurt me. I remember thinking, "So much for taking it slow," before I fell asleep again.

I woke up in the morning to find a pair of warm strong arms around my waist. Instead of feeling threatened as I normally would have, I felt safe, I leaned into him. "Morning Spence," I said rolling over so I could face him. I was shocked to see tears on his face. "Spencer?" I asked. He held me tighter and the tears came faster and harder, but silently. I managed to pull one of my arms out and I wrapped it around him.

"I want to forget," he said in a soft voice. I rubbed his back the best I could. "How come you've moved on?" he asked.

"I view the world very differently than most people Spencer. I was bullied in school so I learned not to react because no one did anything. That's why I'm disconnected with my emotions and have been since I was about 12. I also know once something is done, it can't be taken back and everything can't be like, "Oh there's no use in crying over spilt milk." Some things are a bigger deal than others, a hug and kiss and or apology won't make it better or make it go away, but once it's done, it's done. There's no point in trying to change what can't be changed, I try to forget by not thinking about it. In time, it is easier not to think about it and it will become easier to think about it, without a strong emotional response," I said handing him a sucker.

"Try this, it might help," I said.

"With what?" he asked.

"A replacement for the drugs. Every time you experience a craving, try having one of these," I said. He put the sucker in his mouth, "and what are you doing as your replacement?" he asked.

"I'm bungee jumping, it's an insane rush, you should try it," I said.

"I don't think so, I'm not into adrenaline rushes," he said.

"All right," I said.

"Does it work for you?" he asked.

"Oh yeah. Cutting releases endorphins, and so does bungee jumping. It really clears my head. The fear of beginning up so high then falling from hundreds of feet in the air and beginning sprung back up, it is so thrilling. It makes me forget all my troubles and feel so good," I said.

"I don't like heights," Spencer said.

"You don't have to join me if you don't want to," I said.

A few weeks passed and I got my papers certifying me as a profiler with many credentials. I went to Hotch asking to join the team, telling him I was willing to start at the bottom. He said, "You've already worked your way up working here while going to school, and I have secured you a position on the team."

"Thank you so much Hotch," I said excited.

I had only been part of the team a few months when we got a case where an unsub was going through the streets shooting, slitting throats or snapping necks. "It looks like we have more than one unsub," Hotch said.

"Or one unsub in a psychotic break," Spencer said.

"I don't think so," I said.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked.

"I think it's one unsub killing by whatever means he has available to him. When he has a gun, he uses it, when it runs out of bullets or if he's smart after just one use, he pitches it because he stole it. He only uses a knife once because he doesn't want to be seen carrying a knife in the day time, especially a bloody knife, so he pitches that too after one use. So when he has no weapons, he snaps necks. The way in which he snaps necks makes me believe he was a former marine," I said. The plane landed in Seattle. It was not going to be fun chasing an unsub here.

It took us a few weeks to get an accurate profile which led to us getting his name. And I knew the bustard. He had been in the marines and he had been dishonorable discharged. He was now homeless because the navy wouldn't give him his benefits. The team had split up in different sections of the city. Spencer and I were together in the south west part of town, which also happened to be the worst part of town. People often lived in the sewers here.

I happened to look below me, "Move!" I yelled running at Spencer nearly picking him up and running away from a drain pipe in the ground. I just barely got us away from it in time as it blow up. Our man came up out of the big hole in the ground. I pulled my gun, "Down on your knees, slowly. Hands on your head!" I ordered. He kept coming at us, "Down on your knees now or I'll shoot," I said. He kept coming. I shot him in the chest but he kept coming as though I hadn't shot him.

The next thing I knew I woke up on a cold cement floor in a small puddle of my own blood, Spencer unconscious next to me. I looked closer at Spencer, there was a metal collar around his neck, with a chain, the chain was connected to the wall. The chain was quite long. I looked down at my neck, I had one too. We had been chained like dogs. Off to the side I noticed a mattress with chains and hand cuff restraints for hands and feet. "oh god, the unsub is going to rape one or both of us or force us to do it to each other," I thought. I knew this because we had profiled him as a sexual sadist. He got off on pain. It was a sexual release. I nudged Spencer slightly, to see if he was at least alive. I knew he would be far from okay. Just 3 months ago Hankel kidnapped us, he was still processing that. He moaned slightly, he was alive, but I wondered if we would get out of this alive and if our relationship would survive. I don't know how much time passed with both of us laying on the hard cold floor but I became aware of someone pulling on my chain, someone trying to get me off the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

I looked up, not thrilled with being pulled up by the neck. I managed to get on my feet. I was pulled to a chair and strapped in. I was too tired to notice what kind of chair it was. For all I knew it could have been a chair design to mount someone, to put it just a little more politely. Then I noticed my arms, they were cut up.

He went over to Spencer and pulled him to his feet and dragged him in front of me. He placed a knife in Spencer's hand, "cut her, not too deep now. She's needed for more fun later," he command of my friend.

"What?" Spencer asked. I knew he had heard perfectly. My memory was coming back now. Spencer had already cut me; that was why I woke up in a puddle of my own blood. Rick Silverman—the unsub—had put a gun to the back of his head to compel him and promised we would both live. I doubted his promise; I knew we would likely die here if we weren't found by the team.

"I won't do it," Spencer said.

"You can and you will," Rick said.

"Spencer, if we play his game, the longer we'll stay alive. That means the better the chance we have of being found. Just do what he says," I said.

"I can't, I can't cut you," he said his voice breaking.

"I'm very sorry to tell you, but you already have, when he's done making you torture me, he's going to make me to the same to you," I said.

"And I deserve it for what I did to you," Spencer said.

"Nobody deserves this Spencer; I know you didn't mean to hurt me. You had a gun to the back of your head. Please Spencer, I know you don't want to and I don't want you to either, but do what he says," I said. Spencer nodded tears flowing down his face and I wanted to wipe them away but my hands were tied to the arms of the chair. Spencer carefully cut very shallow cuts into my arms. I felt the blood bubbling up and the rush of endorphins flood through me.

"That's enough," I heard a male voice say, but it wasn't Spencer's. It must have been the unsub. I then felt someone tying bands around my arms, then clean the cuts before they bandaged them. Why would the unsub patch me up? Was he planning on letting us go as a bargaining chip? I didn't know, but I wanted to go home.

I felt myself being carried then I was on something soft. I must be on the mattress. I felt someone sit down beside me and take my hand. "I am so sorry Elle," Spencer said. I managed to open my eyes and look at him. I knew I had lost a lot of blood and needed to rest. I put one of my hands around his hand.

"No matter what happens Spencer, remember the promise I made you. I will never leave you; can you promise me the same?" I asked. I knew this was going to end badly and if we survived we would need each other more than ever.

"Why are you asking? You know I love you more than life itself," Spencer said.

"And I you, I'm asking because I know we are going to be forced to torture each other. Look at the bed Spencer, there are restraints on it. This is going to end badly, and if we survive, we're going to need each other more than ever to get through it," I said sitting up.

"I promise," he said rubbing a scar on my arm. It wasn't one that he had caused, but there would be some from him. "I'm sorry," he said again.

I pulled his face up so I could look him in the eye, "You're forgiven Spencer," I said. He wrapped his arms around me and started to cry. At some point I think both of us fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. I woke up to find Spencer strapped in the chair.

"Get up!" Rick said pulling on my chain quite abruptly. I stood and he handed me a knife. "Cut him, but not too deep, I still have a few uses for him," Rick said. He then shoved a gun into the back of my head, "Do it, or you both die," he said. I looked at Spencer. I didn't have an issue with dying, but I wasn't going to sentence someone else to death. He nodded, signaling to me to do as I was told.

I went over to him, "I am so sorry Spencer," I said before I started cutting into his arms. Having cut myself before, I knew what I was doing because when I cut myself I made sure it was shallow enough to do no damage. I probably made a hundred small cuts all over his arms before Rick told me to stop. Spencer was sobbing from the pain, but every time I tried to stop the gun was shoved back into my head and I would apologize to Spencer before I continued.

After he was bandaged up the unsub left. I went over to Spencer who was barely conscious. I brushed his hair out of his face. I checked his pulse several time because he was breathing so slowly, and he was cold. There weren't any blankets on the mattress. I lay down next to him to keep him warm. "I'm so sorry Spencer," I said tears starting to roll down my face, I was afraid I had killed him. I apologized over and over again.

Eventually I heard a response, he mumbled, "You're forgiven Elle." I was relieved. I hugged him, he was alive. I think a few days passed. I think Rick, the unsub knew Spencer would need more time to recover than I did, because of the scars on my wrist.

He came back and put Spencer in the chair again. "No not again, he can't do this again!" I thought. Rick handed me a piece of paper and then set up a camera. He came back over to me and handed me scalpel. "Write on his chest what's on that piece of paper," he said. I read the paper. It said, "_They won't survive. GAMEOVER._"

"You want me to write on his chest?" I asked incredulous.

"Yes, I do. It's a message to the rest of your team, which they won't find you in time by the way," he said.

"They're going to see this aren't they?" I asked.

"They're seeing it now, now start writing or you both die right now," he said placing the gun under my chin. I knew I could take him but I needed some surprise on my side, he was taller than Spencer and about 100 pounds heavier, all of it muscle. There was no way I could take him without surprise on my side.

With tears in my eyes I went over to Spencer. "I am so sorry Spencer, I'll be as gentle as I can," I said.

"NO! Be ruff!" Rick ordered.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes, "Why? Gentle or ruff, you get your message through and you still cause us pain by making us do this to each other," I asked.

"Be ruff or die," Rick said pointing the gun at me. I looked at Spencer and a small tilt of the head with a wink. He knew, I would be gentle, but he would scream his head off like I was killing him. I slowly started to write on him, "_They won't survive. GAMEOVER._" I wrote small and made shallow cuts so hopefully there wouldn't be a scar. When I was done his face was streamed with tears and my hands were covered in his blood.

"I'm sorry Spencer," I said. Rick moved the camera so it was in front of Spencer.

"Move!" he said to me. I moved over beside Spencer and held his hand. He shoved the camera in our faces then zoomed in on Spencer's chest. After a few more minutes he left. I got Spencer out of the chair then picked up the first aid kit. I started to gently clean the cuts I had made. He didn't say anything or even look at me and frankly I couldn't blame him.

"I can't apologize enough Spencer. I will never be able to make up for what I did to you," I said in a sad voice.

"I know Elle, and I forgive you. I just don't want to die here, not today," he said.

"Then you won't," I said.

"You aren't strong enough to fight him," Spencer said.

"I just need surprise on my side," I said. "If I have that, I can take him, but he's a former marine, surprising them isn't easy."

More time passed, I think it was about a week before Rick came back. We hadn't been given food or water. Spencer was very weak. Frankly so was I, but I knew how to push myself even when I was starving. I had to do it when I was a child. Whatever food I found in the basement I gave to him and we shared the water. "I see you are still alive," Rick said coming down the stairs. Something up there smelled good. It smelled like tea, coffee, pancakes, eggs, and bacon. It smelled warm and fresh. Then I noticed he was carrying a huge tray. It had milk, juice, coffee, water, syrup, pancakes, eggs, and bacon on it. He sat it down in front of us and walked away. Was he seriously feeding us? Was this an act of kindness or was he just keeping us alive to torture us some more?

Whatever the case I woke Spencer and pointed the food out and we ate slowly. We ate everything on the tray. It felt good to have a full stomach, but I was worried about what would happen next. Spencer lay back down and went to sleep. I had the feeling he was giving up. "Don't give up Spencer, it's not over yet," I said lying down beside him. I was going to try to use this as my surprise. The fact I was tied would make it hard to fight. I too fell asleep waiting.

When I woke up I was tied to the mattress and Spencer was in the chair. Rick was talking to Spencer. "You _will_ do this! If you both want to live," Rick said.

"You're going to kill us anyway, what's the point in your game?" Spencer asked.

I heard leather come across wood and flesh and skin. He had hit Spencer with his belt. I struggled to get free. I tried to say something but found a gag in my mouth. I started rubbing my head on the mattress trying to get the gag free. It took a while but I finally got the gag off. "I derive pleasure from it that I can't get any other way. You will rape her," Rick ordered. "oh god," I thought. This would tear him apart. Rick untied him from the chair and threw him onto the mattress. "You are going to do this, one way or another," Rick said.

I had an idea and Spencer probably wasn't going to like it. "Can you give us some time, alone, completely alone?" I asked. Rick walked out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

"I won't do this Elle, I can't," Spencer said.

"I know Spencer, but I'm giving you consent," I said.

"You're giving me permission to rape you?" he asked incredulous.

"Spencer, with consent it isn't rape, but I'll have to act the way you've seen me react to being raped. This guy has raped me before so he knows how I react," I said.

"Why?" Spencer asked.

"Two reasons," I said. "The first is I don't want you to have to rape me so I'm giving you consent. That way it is not rape. Second, the team is on their way. I sent a text to Hotch. Garcia can trace it to our location, but time is needed."

"I haven't been with a girl before," Spencer said. I knew what he meant, and that he would have preferred that we do it in our own time when we were both ready. He didn't want to be watched either.

"Technically neither have I, with guys, they have been with me without consent, but you have it," I said.

"I don't think I can do this, even with your consent. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up," Spencer said.

"Believe me I understand and I wouldn't ask something like this of anybody normally, but I also value my life. I wouldn't ask Spencer if I didn't believe that he wouldn't keep us alive longer. I hate asking this of you, I know it hurts and what it will do and I am so very sorry," I said.

He nodded, "I know," Spencer said. "Will you stay?" he asked.

I knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if I would stay with him if he did this or if I would be too afraid of him to let him anywhere near me. "I will stay Spencer, for someone to separate me from you; they'll have to kill me first. You're stuck with me for life," I said. He wrapped his arms around me and sobbed and I did my best to comfort him. "I am sorry Spencer," I said.

Then Rick came in and pulled him away from me, "Time to start," he sneered. He put a gun to the back of Spencer's head.

"Please, get the gun away from him," I said. He surprisingly withdrew the gun.

"Remove her pants," Rick said in a drawling voice. Spencer very carefully and uncertainly reached for the button on my pants and the zipper. His hands were shaking. Spencer leaned over the side of the mattress and threw up. "Her underwear too, then yours," Rick said in a voice that suggested he was enjoying this more than the other stuff he had made us to do to each other. "Now!" he yelled when Spencer didn't do it right away because he was trying to catch his breath after being sick.

After Spencer and I were both undressed from the waist down he was very uncertain about what he was doing, and it didn't help that he was being threatened. He started to fumble his way through the motions of what he was supposed to do and I couldn't help him because this bustard knew how I reacted to being raped. This bustard made him keep it up for two hours. Spencer had to stop several times to throw up. I felt so bad for making him do this. I would never be able to make up for it, I would never be able to apologize enough to make up for it. I could never take it back.

Rick left after the two hours of making Spencer supposedly rape me handing him a key. He put his pants on then unlocked one of my wrists before he started to sob uncontrollably. I grabbed the key and unlocked the rest of the cuffs on me and put my pants back on then put my arms around Spencer. "I am so, so, so sorry Spencer. I can't apologize enough. I know I won't be able to make up for this and I can't take it back. I know that I don't deserve to be forgiven, I promised I wouldn't leave, but if you want me to I will," I said.

He grabbed onto me, "NO! Don't go! Please, don't go," he begged. "I forgive you, I know why you asked me, please don't go, please," he continued.

"I promised Spencer, I have no intention of breaking it," I said. I kept my arms around him and brushed his hair behind his ears, "I promise Spencer," I said kissing the side of his face.

Sometime later Rick came back with the gun. "It's time," he said pointing the gun at Spencer. I got in front of Spencer.

"Time for what?" I asked.

"Time to end the game," he said. Then he pulled the trigger as I stood, ready to fight him. A bullet went into my abdomen. Blood came from my wound and I could feel it rising in my throat.

"Elle!" I heard Spencer scream as I fell to the ground. I heard him and Spencer fighting. I heard the gun hit the floor. Then I heard a jaw crack and a body hit the floor. I looked up. Spencer was on the floor with a bloody nose.

I was on my chest and I pushed my arms and hands up underneath me so that I was partially off the ground. Blood came pouring out of my mouth. I started to pull my feet up underneath me. I lunged at Rick and took him off his feet, picking up his gun on my way by. "I'm not going to die! Not…to…day!" I said pulling the trigger, shooting Rick in the head.

I then collapsed on the floor. "Elle!" Spencer said rushing to my side.

"I'll be fine Spencer, I'll live," I said grabbing his hand and getting a death grip on him just as the team came rushing down the stairs.

"Help her, she needs an ambulance!" I heard Spencer say to a team member. I heard someone say into the walkie something about getting a medic immediately and a bus, cop talk for an ambulance. At some point I was aware of being lifted onto a gurney and someone trying to pry Spencer's and my hands apart.

I woke up to a bright light and I was on a bed. I put my hand over my eyes and someone turned the overhead lights off. I turned to see who it was, it was Garcia of course. "You're up," she said.

"Where's Spencer?" I asked.

"After what he did to you, you what to know where he is?" Garcia asked.

"He was forced to Garcia. Even then he didn't want to, but if he didn't both of us would've been killed. Plus I gave him permission, with consent it isn't rape," I said.

"Oh my god," Garcia said.

"I'm glad to see you Garcia, but I really need to see him, please," I almost begged. She left the room and I saw her talking to a nurse. She came back in.

"She'll bring him to you. You can't move around a lot right now or you'll rip out your stitches," Garcia said.

"Thank you Garcia," I said. "You traced my text, if the team hadn't shown up when they did; both of us would be dead right now. Thank you, for saving us," I said.

"No problem sweetie, tracing is my job. Nice text you sent by the way, SOS. Good way to let someone know you need help," she said.

Spencer was then wheeled into the room. "Spencer," I said in relief. He looked much better than I felt. I was sore from being shot and my arms were all bandaged. He also looked like he was about to cry.

"Elle," he said in the same voice of relief I had used.

I moved over on the bed, "Come on up here," I said patting the space beside me. He wheeled himself over to the bed and pulled himself up. He lay down beside me.

"I heard the nurses talking outside my room about your surgery. They said it was a miracle that you lived given all the blood you lost earlier and then losing more from the gunshot wound," he said looking at me.

"I promised you that I wouldn't leave and that I would stay; didn't I?" I asked. He nodded. "I wouldn't just leave you, not after what happened. You're my best friend in the whole world, I'm not leaving you. There's not a chance in hell that I would leave," I said. He leaned into me and I felt tears hit my shoulder. I was only able to wrap one arm around him; the other was wrapped to my chest, to keep me from moving it while it healed. Apparently I had broken it in several places and there was some damage done to my veins which I was not going to tell Spencer.

My physical wounds would heal. There was just one thing I was worried about, was I pregnant? I was not ready to be a mother and I was sure Spencer was not ready to be a father. Neither of us had talked about having kids yet, with our job, having kids may not be the best thing for our lifestyle. If we wanted them, this was not the way, someone forcing us together. We had wanted it to be pleasurable, now that may never happen. I had asked the doctors to run tests to see if I was pregnant, if I was I needed to figure out what I was going to do and how to tell Spencer. I couldn't leave him out of the loop; he had to participate in the decision. I didn't know whether I would terminate, give the child up for adoption, or keep the child. Spencer was the father so he had a say, but it was also my body so I had the final say.

Spencer and I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital. Before I left they told me I was not pregnant. I nearly fainted as Spencer came into the room. I was relieved. I didn't want to have make that decision with him or have that discussion. When I had given him consent I left out that I was ovulating, so there was a chance that I could get pregnant. "Are you absolutely sure? I don't want to get home and have a surprise next month," I asked.

"We're sure why?" the nurse asked.

"You don't want to know the story, thank you miss," I said picking up my bag and walking to the door where Spencer was waiting.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"I asked them to check if I was pregnant, the test came back negative," I said continuing to walk. I stopped because Spencer was behind me, he had frozen. I walked back to him; there was absolute horror on his face. I sat my bag down and stood in front of him. I put my hands on either side of his face. "Spencer," I said. He looked at me, "The test came back negative. I'm not pregnant."

He nearly fainted and I had to try to catch him. I could barely hold his weight. "Okay Spencer," I said setting him in a nearby chair. I knelt in front of him so I was at eye level. I took his hands, "Deep breaths Spencer, try to relax," I said.

Weeks passed and both of us had nightmares. We wouldn't sleep alone and we couldn't stand to be separated for more than a few minutes, like as long as it takes to go to the bathroom. I thought it would be good for us to join a self-defense class and a yoga class. Yoga would help us relax and sleep at night. It would also make us stronger, and strengthen our balance. Spencer agreed to the classes. We went as often as we could; we also had therapy, talking to each other was not enough.

One night I had enough of the gloom. I put on a short dress and ridiculous make up, insanely high heels and pulled Spencer to his feet from the couch. "I'm not really in the mood Elle," he said.

"You haven't been in the mood for anything for the past five months. Please, humor me, just for a few hours. I won't make you dress in some ridiculous outfit," I said, begging.

"Fine, but I don't what to be out past midnight," he said.

"You won't be, I said just a few hours," I said kissing him grabbing the car keys off the table.

"Do I have to change?" he asked. I shook my head. He didn't have any club clothes; they were all work, nothing for going out and having fun. We headed for the car and I drove to an uptown club that was hidden in-between two stores, but was quite large. "How do you know of this place?" Spencer asked.

"It was my idea," I said as though as I was talking about the weather. "I get a free pass to enter whenever I want, and I can bring friends with me, I also get free drinks, but I don't drink, so I get free waters, my friends get the free drinks and end up sick in the morning," I said taking us to the door showing my ID. We were both let in. Music was pumping from the stereo. I pulled him onto the dance floor and started to dance. "I can't dance," he said.

"Just follow me and have fun. Nobody here cares if you can dance or not Spencer, half the people here can't, just have some fun," I said. Slowly he started to follow me. We danced for about an hour then went to get something to drink. "He's with me," I said at the bar. "I'll have my usual," I said.

"I'll have what she's having," Spencer said. "I can kind of see why you like this scene," Spencer said.

"Imagine getting paid to sing and dance," I said. "That how I paid bills and went to the grocery store every week. It's good money. I imagine the girls that get a little more on the side get more than I did, but still good money." I said.

"How far did you go?" Spencer asked.

"I would do private lap dances, at their house or somewhere close to a public place, never at my place. Never any sex for any price, for any reason," I said. I pulled him back to the dance floor. One of my favorite songs was on, Dynamite. I was dancing and singing and Spencer was trying to follow my lead. I could feel the vibration from the speakers on my chest. I loved that feeling. I ended up trying to teach Spencer how to dance and he was laughing. We didn't leave till 11:30. "Do you know how late it is?" I asked laughing.

"Late," he said smiling the first true smile I had seen in months.

"Thanks for a great time tonight Spencer," I said.

"Thank you, I haven't had fun in so long," he said.

"We can still have fun together Spencer, there are several ways to have fun," I said. We got home and slept in late the next morning. I got up first and got in the shower. I got dressed and started breakfast. Spencer came into the kitchen, "How long have you been up?" he asked.

"About 35 minutes, I didn't want to wake you," I said.

"Do we have a date I forgot about?" Spencer asked.

"No, why?" I asked. Like Spencer Reid would forget.

"You're dressed with makeup done. I'm wondering with there's somewhere we're supposed to be," he said.

"Not that I'm aware of, but I can set something up. We could go see a movie," I said. Spencer sat down and I put food on a plate in front of him. "Are you all right Spencer?" I asked. I could tell by his face something was wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

"Fine, I guess. I need to go see my mom. She's been asking about you. She'd like to meet you," he said.

"I'd like to meet her," I said. He gave me a look. "I know Spencer. Remember what I told you about my mother. I'm not new at this kind of thing. At least your mother cared about you," I said. I would have given anything for that. My mother never had really cared. Spencer had come with me to see her and she had said some pretty horrible things to him. After the second time we never went back. She didn't like my boyfriend.

A few days later we were on a plane to Vegas. When we got to where his mom was staying, there was a fire. We both jumped out of the car. I overheard some conversation with someone that worked there and a fireman. Someone was inside. "Excuse me, but who is inside," I asked.

"Diana Reid," they answered. Spencer froze and I ran toward the building.

"Elle! No!" he yelled as he saw me slip inside the door. It was hot in here.

"Diana!" I called starting to cough. I got lower to the ground. "Diana, I'm here to help you! Diana!" I called. I found her barely conscious by the back exit with her scrap book. I picked her up and slung her over my back and grabbed her book and kicked down the door. I ran as soon as the door came open. Fresh air! Thank god! I ran back around to the front quickly, I yelled, "I got her!" When I was around front a medical team swarmed around us, including Spencer. She was pulled off my back and onto a gurney. I put her book on the gurney, "This is hers," I said. Spencer tried to get to her but they wouldn't let him get close.

"He's her son!" I barked at them. Then the team was around me and I grabbed his hand tightly. They were checking me out. I was cleared but they still wanted me to go the hospital. I agreed so Spencer and I could get into the hospital, he got an escort so he could get there quickly. My stay at the hospital was short lived; I was there for a few hours. I was released then I went to find Spencer's mother. I hoped she was doing well, Spencer loved her a lot. He wrote her every day. When I got to her room doctors were trying to find a heartbeat and a pulse.

Spencer was in the corner trying not to lose it. I came to stand next to him; I hoped his mom would pull through. I put my arm around his waist. Time seemed to drag on forever. I closed my eyes and hung my head, "What grace has given me, let it pass to her. Let her be spared, save her," I thought with every fiber of my being. I knew it was from Lord of the Rings, but I didn't follow any religion. Soon a sheet was pulled over her. Spencer fell to his knees sobbing and the doctors on their way out set the scrap book beside him. I bent down and wrapped my arms around him.

Spencer put his arms around me. A few hours after he had calmed down he said, "I don't have enough money to pay for a funeral."

I had a lot of money; I saved most of my money. "I'll help, I have more than enough," I said. He looked at me, "I worked multiple jobs, jobs that paid well, plus I sold my mother's home. It's not a problem Spencer," I said.

"It's going to take time," he said.

"I'll call Hotch," I said. I managed to get a few months off for both of us, time to process. After the call I put my arms around Spencer. "I am so sorry Spencer," I said. I held him tighter as doctors came in to take her down to the morgue.

"How much do you have to spare?" Spencer asked me. He was referring to money.

"About $55,000. That leaves me about $800 to pay for the storage shed," I said. He looked at me shocked. "I can transfer it to your account so that you can pay for it," I said. I didn't want him to feel like I was taking something from him or saying that he couldn't pay for something to take care of his mother.

"I can't pay you back," he said.

"You don't have to Spencer. There's no need to pay me back. Would you like me to move the money into your account so that you can pay for it?" I asked. He nodded. "Okay, I'll get that done. Let's figure out her wishes and I'll need to step outside the hospital to call the bank," I said looking at my watch. "Which if I'm going to make that call, I need to do it now," I said.

"What?" Spencer said.

"Time zones, bank in D.C closes in half an hour," I said. So we went up to the front desk and told them where we would like Diana sent to. After Spencer quickly filled out the paper work we went outside so we could make some calls. I got the money transferred over, then I made call to the storage shed where I had my stuff from my room and paid that over the phone.

"What now?" Spencer asked.

"Well I have enough money left to check us into a hotel, but I'll need some help paying for it when we leave," I said. He just nodded. "I am really sorry Spencer," I said hugging him. I wanted to make him feel better. I stretched up and kissed him on the cheek.

"What hotel do we stay in?" he asked.

"Hopefully a decent one away from the casinos, preferably not an off-road one either. I don't like to be out in the middle of nowhere where someone can do anything they want to you without being heard," I said.

"Places like that are hard to find," Spencer said. I pulled out my smart phone and googled hotels in the area; I found the ones without casinos, and with vacancies. There was one half a mile from us. I booked the room.

"This one is half a mile from us and I just booked a room. I guess we better get walking or find a cab before it gets dark," I said grabbing our bags and putting my arm around Spencer.

"Why are you doing this?" Spencer asked.

"Why am I doing what?" I asked.

"Paying for this? It's your money, and she's my family, so why?" Spencer asked.

"My family's dead Spencer and my extended family wants nothing to do with me. They think I broke God's law because I had sex before I was married. That's where my issues with religion started. You are my family, that means so is she. Family deserves a proper burial and family should help at whatever cost to make sure it happens. I can help so I want to," I said.

He murmured a small thanks. We crossed the street to the hotel and I showed the clerk at the desk our reservations on my phone and he gave us our key. "Room 447," he said.

"Thank you," I said. We went up to our room, there was one giant king sized bed in one part of the room with a TV on a dresser. The other part of the room had a small sofa with a TV mounted on the wall and a very small kitchen area which included fridge, microwave and coffee maker. There was a bathroom just around the corner from the kitchen. I threw our bags down on a luggage rack. Spencer threw himself onto the bed. "Do you want dinner?" I asked. He shook his head. I pulled out the order in room menu and got myself something and I got Spencer something to drink. I set the drink on the night stand in front of him.

"If you change your mind there's plenty here for the both of us," I said eating my soup, and plate of spaghetti. "I'll put the left overs in the fridge Spencer encase you change your mind but in the morning I'll put them in hall and we can go to breakfast," I said. He didn't respond but I knew he heard. I put my pjs on and got into bed beside him. He got up and took off his tie, belt and pants. He was left in his boxers, and dress shirt. He got back into bed and slid under the covers. I put my arm around him and pulled him close and fell asleep.

The next morning was not one filled with joy. After breakfast we had to go the funeral home. Spencer apparently carried her will with him. He had it memorized, no surprise there. We got out on the street and he was so with drawn in himself that he could barely call a cab. I ended up doing it and holding his hand with a death grip to keep him from walking into oncoming traffic. I gave the cabbie the address of our destination and he started to say something and I signaled for him to stop by shaking my hand back and forth across my throat. The cabbie stopped mid-sentence.

Spencer and I spent most of the day at the funeral home. We got everything taken care of. "Does the team know?" Spencer asked.

"They know you're taking care of some family matters. I didn't tell them anymore than that, but no they don't," I said.

"You shouldn't have run into that burning building. I could've lost both of you. I can't handle losing you; I can barely handle losing my mom Elle. Please, don't put yourself in a situation that I could lose you," Spencer said.

"I'll do my best Spencer, but running into that building after hearing that someone was in there, especially your mother, it was an instinct to run inside. Even if it meant ignoring my own safety," I said.

"Why?" Spencer asked.

"As many times as I cried for help Spencer, you were the only one that ever answered that cry. When someone needs help it's my instinct to try to help, I know what it's like not to get the help that you need when you need it, that you're screaming for it, and no one answers," I said. "Someone should answer that scream for help."

He nodded. "Come on, let's get something to eat," I said putting my arm around him.

He wrapped his arms around me and cried, "I'm not hungry," he said. I rubbed his back and hugged him back.

"Spencer, you didn't have supper last night or breakfast this morning. Please, try to get something in your system," I said.

"Maybe some chicken noodle soup," he said. The hotel didn't have that, but I knew a restaurant that did.

"I know a place that makes great chicken noodle soup," I said.

"Doesn't the hotel have it?" Spencer asked.

"Sorry no," I said. "It's usually a quiet place at this time of night," I continued. So we headed for Ruby Tuesdays. We got a booth so that we could sit side by side. We both drank water. We also ordered the same soup expect I ordered a sandwich with mine. I also had some of the salad bar.

"Did you feel like this when you lost your mother?" Spencer asked.

"I was sad, but not quite as sad as you are, but I never had any real connection with my mother. She didn't take care of me, even when I was little. She could barely take care of herself. That doesn't mean that I don't miss her on some level. You have every right to be devastated Spencer, you lost someone you love very much and care about," I said.

"It's loved and cared," he said.

"That love is still there Spencer or you wouldn't be so upset. When someone dies, our feelings for them don't die with them, the feelings remain," I said.

"My father won't take my calls," he said suddenly.

I put my arm around him, "Would you like me to call him?" I asked. He nodded. He then grabbed part of my sandwich and started to eat it. I guess he was hungry. I ate the other half. We ended up eating up everything in front of us. I grabbed the bill.

"I got it," Spencer said putting his credit card in little black folder they had given us and he filled out the receipt. We went back to our hotel. We decided to go for a swim in the pool before bed. Before bed though I called Spencer's father's place of work. Everyone had gone home of course, but there would be a message for him. It said, "Hello, I need to speak to William Reid. It regards his wife, Diana Reid. I'm a close friend of his son's. He can reach me at my cell ###-###-#### or he can call his son. Please have him call as soon as he gets in the morning, it is very important."

"Do think he'll call?" Spencer asked.

"If he cares he will," I said. The funeral was in two days. "If he doesn't I can go and see him," I said. Spencer sighed. "You need some cheering up," I said gently kissing him on the lips pressing my body against his. For a minute he kissed back and I made sure to fill my kiss with heat and passion. I was tempted to undress us both, but I knew that was too much right now. Both of us were wet from our shower after our swim. After 90 seconds he pulled away from me.

"Not tonight Elle, I'm not in the mood," he said.

"I understand Spencer. I was just trying to make you feel better," I said.

"I know Elle, thanks," he said putting his hand on my shoulder. We both fell asleep quickly that night. I woke up that night because of a nightmare. I got up and started to pace at the foot of the bed. I started to hum a few songs to myself trying to calm myself down. Eventually I just got in the shower. When I got out Spencer was wake. "Where'd you go?" he asked.

"Sorry, I had a nightmare," I said.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked.

"You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to disturb you," I said. I was too warm so I turn the AC on high. I climbed back onto the bed. Spencer put his arms around me and I leaned into his chest. I fell asleep there. I didn't know why I felt so safe in Spencer's arms, or why it felt like home. When Morgan hugged me, sure it felt safe, in a bear-hug, over protective, macho man type of way, like a brother. With Spencer it felt natural, he was being himself, he wasn't putting on a show to try to make himself more appealing.


	11. Chapter 11

In the morning his father didn't call, and we went down to his office. He was on an out of state business trip. They wouldn't give us his cell. I asked for his business card, which they gave. I thanked them and asked them to forward the message I left last night to his cell. Then Spencer and I left. "What do you need his business card for?" Spencer asked.

"Some lawyers put their cell phone numbers on their business cards. I'm hoping that your dad is one of those lawyers," I said.

"That's a good idea," Spencer said. I called a number that wasn't the office phone and we were in luck.

"Hello, Mr. Reid," I said.

"Who is this?" Mr. Reid asked.

"I'm a close a friend of your son's," I said.

"Did something happen to him?" Mr. Reid asked.

"Not to him, but I am calling about your family," I said.

"What about my family?" he asked.

"I am very sorry to have to tell you this, but your wife died yesterday in a fire," I said.

"What in a fire! How did a fire happen?" he asked.

"That's being looked into. Her funeral is tomorrow if you wish to come, Spencer would like you too," I said.

"I'll do my best to get there in time. Where is it?" he asked.

"Off the corner of Vegas and Royale, 12:00pm," I said.

"Why isn't Spencer telling me this?" he asked.

"He tried to reach you yesterday at your office, you didn't answer. He's upset right now which is easy to understand," I said.

"I'll do my absolute best to get there," he said hanging up.

I hung up and turned to Spencer, "He said he'd do his absolute best to get here in time," I said.

"Thank you for talking to him," Spencer said.

"You're welcome Spencer," I said. We finished getting things arranged for tomorrow. "Do you want the rest of the team here?" I asked. He shook his. He knew that I had some incredible standing in the team. I had moved up the ladder incredibly fast. And even though I didn't want it Strauss had appointed me a Supervisory Agent. I was now a SSA, known as Supervisory Special Agent. I didn't want to surpass the other team members that had been there longer than me. She still gave me the position because of my strong sense of wrong and right and ability to deal with politics.

All this meant I could get them on the next flight out here and Spencer knew that. While that might be considered an abuse of my position, I saw it as the right thing to do. His friends that were his family had a right to come, to support him. "They have to work," he said.

"I can get them on the next flight out Spencer. And no, Strauss won't fire me. I'm too good with politics while in the field. I'm too valuable in her eye, that's why I ascended so quickly," I said.

A month later after the funeral Spencer still hadn't gone back to work. I had to though, we had bills to pay. One night when I got home, he wasn't. I figured he went to get groceries. By nine I was really worried and I started calling team members when Spencer didn't pick up. At 9:30 I got a call from an unknown number, I answered, hoping it was someone who could tell me where Spencer was. It was someone who worked at a bar. "Are trying to reach Spencer?" a female asked.

"I am, do you know where he is?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's here at _The Pirate's Black Cat_. He's had enough for three people to drink, I took his keys from him and I won't give him more. I'm kind of holding him hostage," she said.

"Thank you for calling me. Keep him there, I'll be there as soon as I can," I said hanging up and running out the door. I hailed a cab. I got there in 15 minutes. I went inside and found him up front at the bar. He looked horrible. "oh god Spencer," I said brushing his hair out of his face. "What all has he had to drink?" I asked the bar tender.

"He's had a couple of hurricanes, about 20 jello shots, some Dizonio on the rocks and vodka. He hasn't eaten anything, he owes $150.00," she said. I pulled out the money and handed it to her.

"Can I have his keys and a trash bag just in case," I asked. She handed them to me. "Thank you," I said. "Come on Spencer," I said helping him to his feet. I got him to the parking lot before he started throwing up. I kept one of my arms in the front of his waist to keep him from falling. "Easy Spencer, I got you," I said using my other hand to pull his hair out of his face. I had to wait awhile for him to stop throwing up. He tried to push me away. "Sorry Spencer, but I'm not going anywhere," I said.

When he was done I helped him to the car and got him in the passenger seat and opened the trash bag and gave it to him. He looked at me, "Just in case," I said. I then hooked his seat belt putting the part that was supposed to go across his chest behind his back. I got in the driver's side. "I'm going to make a quick stop at the grocery store, I won't be more than ten minutes," I said. He looked at me. "I need to pick up some stuff for you, I promise to make it quick," I said pulling into the parking lot of the store.

I ran in the store and got some ginger ale, pedialyte, Tylenol, chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers and some juice. I paid and hurried back out to my boyfriend. I had been gone about 6 minutes. I put the keys in the ignition and rolled up the windows as the AC came back on. I hurried home as Spencer started to throw up again. It didn't take long for me to get us back to the apartment. I pulled into our parking space and turned the car off. I undid Spencer's seatbelt and came around to help him.

He looked like death warmed over. I had the groceries on one arm with my purse and I was supporting Spencer with the other as we headed for our apartment. I got him to the bathroom and sat him in front of the toilet. I put the lid and seat up and took the trash bag from him. "I'll be right back, I'm going to go put this down the garbage shoot in the hall, I'll be 30 seconds," I said. I put the groceries on the table and left the apartment with the bag of his ever so charming stomach contents and put it down the chute to the dumpster outside. I came back to the bathroom and sat down behind him.

"Please I don't need help Elle," Spencer whispered, barely conscious.

"I beg to differ Spencer. You didn't just have a few to many. You had about 20 to many from what I was told, that's what I call a cry for help. You're getting my help whether you want it or not," I said. I knew he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. I would have to show him the tapes from the bar. When he was done I got him in the tub and cleaned him up. I also managed to brush his teeth. After I got him cleaned up and dressed I put him in bed, on his side. I then cleaned myself up by taking a quick shower and brushing my teeth. I grabbed a glass of water and opened the Tylenol because he was going to need it later. I brought the water and meds with me to bed and I climbed up beside him and fell asleep.

In the night he did wake up, from the pain pounding in his head. He woke me up from all the noise he was making. I grabbed some Tylenol and the water and handed it to him. Surprisingly he didn't argue, he just took it. He had a big thing about not taking narcotics. Narcotics didn't seem to have the same effect on me as they did on him.

"What did I do last night?" he asked.

"You got whatever is passed wasted," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"According to the bar tender that called me to come and get you, you had enough drinks for three people and you ran up a tab of $150.00. Not easy to do in a crappy pub like the one you in. Why did you go out and get drunk Spencer? I have never known you to do that," I said.

"I thought it would help me feel better. I was wrong. I just didn't want to think about…" he said trailing off.

"Spencer, I love you," I said taking his hands. "I'll listen to you, whatever you have to say I will listen. Even if you think it sounds ridiculous I will listen and not freak out, I promise," I said.

"You won't laugh at me?" Spencer asked.

"No Spencer, why would you think I'd laugh at you?" I asked in return.

"Morgan, he said if a girl laughs at you that can be a bad sign," Spencer said.

"I laugh at your jokes Spencer. If you want to stop worrying about how our relationship is doing, stop listening to Morgan. Trust yourself, do what feels right to you, you don't need advice Spencer. If you're worried about something you're doing or have done ask me, not Morgan. Every woman is different and Morgan isn't always right. He hasn't met someone like me before Spencer. Trust yourself," I said.

"My dad wasn't there," he said.

"Yes he was Spencer; he was way in the back. I can't explain why he didn't talk to you, but he was there," I said. Spencer shook his head. "I promise Spencer, he was there," I said. He continued to shake his head. "Is that what's been bothering you, why you drank so much last night?" I asked. He nodded. I wrapped my arms around him. I knew there was more.

I couldn't fully understand how he felt, I had lost my mother, it wasn't so sudden, but I wasn't exactly saddened by the event. I had had a mother that did nothing to defend me from my father, then her boyfriend. I had raised myself from the time I was two. Many nights I ate from the garbage or with the dogs. I then went to school where I could get free meals. I passed all my classes because that was my only way out.

"How did you deal with losing your mother?" Spencer asked me.

"Much easier, but that was because of the relationship we had which was we didn't have one. I raised myself Spencer, I found my own meals, she didn't protect me from the world, and your mother did. You had a relationship with her. That's why you're grieving," I said.

"Do you miss her?" Spencer asked.

I thought for a minute. No one had ever asked me if I missed my mother. I had shown the love and care she had given me when I was an infant, but that last only a few years, then I received coldness from her. My life had been hell with her, I couldn't live on my own because her. "Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do," Spencer said.

"No," I said. "I know that sounds cold hearted, but I just don't," I said. Spencer just hugged me and I hugged him.

After a while he asked, "Did you give me a bath?"

"Yeah I did," I said. I read the look on his face. "I didn't do that Spencer, I promise. You know I wouldn't," I said. I had been wanting to have sex with him and he was hesitant. I had told him I would wait till he was ready.

"I know, it just would have been a perfect chance for you to uh," he said.

"Yeah it would have, but I wouldn't do that. Both of us should be willing. I know what it feels like to be an unwilling partner Spencer; I'm not going to do that to you, not again at least. I also brushed your teeth last night, don't ask me how because I don't know," I said tracing through his shirt where his scar on his chest was, the one that I had made.

He grabbed my wrist to stop me from tracing the scar; he knew what I was doing. "Thank you Elle, for taking care of me last night, whatever you did," he said.

"You're welcome," I said leaning on his chest trying not to push him over. "Please don't scare me like that again. I came home and didn't know where you were. I thought you were out running errands till it was 9:00 then I started calling people. I was so worried Spencer," I said.

"I promise Elle and I promise not to drink again, that was horrible. I feel horrible," he said. I wrapped my arms around him, my best friend in the world.

"You should get some rest, tomorrow you're going to feel like you were hit by a train, I'll go get something to ease your stomach," I said getting up. I went to the kitchen and got a glass of ginger ale. I headed back for the bed room. "Drink this slowly. It'll help to ease your stomach," I said.

"What is it?" Spencer asked.

"Ginger ale, no ale that has liquor in it included, alcohol free completely," I said. He started to drink it slowly, after a few sips he laid down and I did the same beside him. We both fell asleep quickly.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning he had a pounding headache and I handed him more pain killers, once more he took them without question. "I'll go make you some toast," I said. While I was in the kitchen I heard a song playing from the radio that was in one of my music boxes. I dropped the plate I was holding. I remembered something, or I thought I did, but how could that be. I wasn't born in England, I had lived here all my life and that music box could be a movie prop from Anastasia.

I had heard the song "Once upon a December" a thousand times. What could it have to do with my past? Yet as it played I saw figures dancing in a ballroom of palace. I was being danced around the room by two people holding me and heads, wearing crowns. Was I royalty? Then a name came to me, Anna Beth Elle Williamson. I wrote it on my hand so I could have Garcia look her up, see if she was a real person. I then picked up the plate and started the toast for Spencer. While his toast was cooking I made myself a shake in the blender. I came back into the bed room with his toast, some pedialyte, and my shake. "I also brought you some pedialyte, to help you recover from being sick," I said.

"Thanks, does Hotch know I'm not coming in?" he asked.

"He knows, and he knows I'm giving you a reality check today so let the record show I gave you hell today," I said. He nodded. "After breakfast I need to stop by my storage locker. I need to get something out," I said.

"Okay, I'll go with you. Hey are you okay?" he asked.

"Oh yeah I'm fine, I think I just remembered something from my past that I buried really deep that a song on the radio unburied," I said.

"What would that be?" Spencer asked.

"I'm not totally sure so please keep it to yourself," I said.

He nodded, "of course," he replied.

"I think I was born in England, and that I may have lived in a palace and my name was Anna Beth Elle Williamson. I think I was royalty. I think I'm adopted," I said. Spencer just started at me. "I know, I don't know for sure. I'm going to ask Garcia to run a search on the name and see what turns up. I'll see what my trip to the storage shed turns up as well," I said slowly starting to drink my shake.

"What if that turns out to be the case? What if what you really are adopted?" Spencer said.

"Then I am, but it's going to challenge what I know," I said. After we finished breakfast we left for the storage shed. I parked right outside mine and unlocked it. I walked in and Spencer followed me. I went to a box I had on a shelf marked knickknacks.

"How'd you get all this stuff in here?" Spencer asked.

"When my parents were at work I hired a bunch of cross-dressers with trucks to come load my stuff up and help me get it in the storage shed. I paid them each $200 for the day. They agreed," I said. I pulled out the music box and set aside as I put the box up and I pulled down another box marked NeckLaces. Each necklace was in a plastic bag. I went through them till I found one with a thin skeleton key. I put the bag in my mouth and put the box back on a self. I picked up the music box and sat on the bed which was in the center of the room.

Spencer joined me. I turned the music box over to look at the bottom. There engraved was _Anna Beth Elle Williamson._ I sighed. "What?" Spencer asked. I showed him the bottom of the music box; he read it and looked up at me. I put the key in the hole in the back and wround it. The box opened up and started to play "Once upon a December." I had my answer, almost.

"Let's go," I said getting off the bed. Spencer followed me. I handed him the music box and the key while I locked up the shed. He then handed them back to me and I put them in my purse. I drove back to the apartment. On the way I called Garcia.

"Garcia, I need you to look into the name Anna Beth Elle Williamson. Try the UK. Find what you can on her and let me know please and thank you," I said. I had gotten her voice mail. When we got home she was already calling us back.

Does this involve your case?" she asked.

"No, it's about me. Something that I think I remember, I want to know if what I think I remember is true," I said.

"So this name you gave me may be you?" she asked.

"Possibly, I don't know for sure though," I said.

"The information will be flying over the wires to you momentarily," she said hanging up.

I hung up and turned to Spencer who was lying down on the sofa. I went over to him and bent down in front of him, "you all right?" I asked brushing his hair out of his face. He nodded. "What's on your mind Spencer?' I asked.

"I'm worried that you're not going to stay. What if you do turn out to be royalty? Don't you then have to take the throne? I'm not royalty; I can't by those standards marry you if you take the throne. And what do I call you if your name isn't your complete name? I need you more than you can know Elle," Spencer said and I could hear the crack and pure emotion in his voice.

"Spencer, I promised you that I wouldn't leave. Even if I do turn out to be royalty that won't change, I won't leave. I might take my given birth name, but I'll still be called Elle and I need you as much as you need me Spencer. Remember what I said, you're stuck with me for life. I'm here to stay, as long as both of us shall live," I said. Spencer sat up and hugged me. After a while I sat down on the sofa and he lay down in my lap and fell asleep as I stroked his hair out of his face continuously.

Then Garcia called back after a few hours, "Hey sweetie, I tracked that name and she is a real person but I can only track the first two years of her life. Then she disappears, she's gone. What I did find though is that she was born to the King and Queen of a country that is now not in existence and they had an elegant palace. They believed their daughter to be in danger so they sent her to America with a mentally challenged family member as the legend goes and changed her name to Elle," Garcia said.

"Did you find the name of that family member that took her to America?" I asked.

"Rochelle Green, according to the records, and she had lost a daughter of her own named Skyler," Garcia said.

"Do you have any pictures?" I asked.

"In your inbox with everything I found," Garcia said.

"Thank you Garcia, I'll see you tomorrow at work," I said hanging up. By this time Spencer was wake.

"What did she find out?" he asked.

"That a king and queen of a country that is no longer in existence had a daughter under that name. Apparently they had quite a palace and they believed their daughter to be in danger so they sent her to America with a mentally challenged family member, but not before changing her name to Elle. The family member's name was Rochelle Green; apparently she had lost a daughter of her own named Skyler," I said.

"Rochelle Green, wasn't that your mother, or who raised you?" Spencer asked.

"Raised isn't the word I would use but yeah, she was supposed to," I said. "Excuse me," I said helping Spencer sit up enough that I could get out from under him. I got my laptop and brought it back to living room. I opened my email and checked the one that Garcia sent that contained pictures. "Oh my god," I said.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"This is a picture she found of the family member that raised me, does she look familiar to you?" I asked.

"That's who you thought was your mother," he said. I opened the next picture which was a painting of my birth parents. They were beautiful. The caption said Edward and Catherine Williamson. "Your parents?" Spencer asked. I nodded. I didn't think the memory was real.

"Do you think you can fend for yourself for supper? There's chicken noodle soup in the cupboard, I need to think," I said.

"Yeah, when will you be back?" he asked.

"Maybe an hour, if I'm not back in 90 minutes call me and if I don't answer call somebody to come and find me," I said. I grabbed my phone and put it in my pocket and walked out the door and took the stairs for some extra time to think and to clear my head. I had always thought that that music box had belonged to somebody else and my mom who wasn't my mom got it at a flea market for me. It was a reminder of home that my birth mom sent with me. I got into the well-lit part of town and started running. I ran and ran till I couldn't any more. I looked at my phone. Shit! I had 15 minutes to get back to the apartment and I was at least 30 away and I had no money.


	13. Chapter 13

I started running summoning whatever strength I could find to get home. I needed food and I needed to talk. I ran like I couldn't remember doing and I got back in 10 or 15 minutes and took the elevator. I opened the apartment door and collapsed inside the door breathing heavy. "Water," I panted as Spencer came to my side.

He brought it to me. "Why did you run so hard?" he asked.

"Was…going…to…be…late," I panted, trying to slow my breathing.

"No…money…for…a…cab," I said.

"How late were you going to be?" he asked checking my pulse and temperature. Both I knew were too high. He went to the freezer.

"30…minutes…at…at…least…made…it…in…10…to…15," I continued to pant trying to catch my breath. He laid bags of frozen food on me and I shuddered.

"Try to take deep breaths Elle, relax. If you called I would've come and got you," he said. I knew that but I needed some time alone. I wanted to think, alone, I needed to clear my head. I gave him a look trying to commutate what was going through my head. After a minute I started to concentrate on my breathing, on slowing it down to a normal rate. It took me awhile but eventually I could speak without panting. "I'll go get you your water," he said. I was grateful he was not bringing up what we were discussing earlier. I sat up and bags of frozen peas and corn fell off of me.

He brought me a big glass of ice water, "Thank you," I said. I started to drink it as he picked up the bags of frozen foods. He then came back to me and helped me off the floor and sat me on the sofa and quickly cleared something away, I assumed it was my laptop. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I will be Spencer. What about you, are you all right?" I asked.

"Actually I feel sick, I don't think that soup agreed with me," he said.

"I'm sorry Spencer," I said rubbing his back. "I have some Compazine if you want some, it might help." He nodded and I went and got some with some water. When I got back to the living room he was gone.

I found him in the bathroom. "Too late," he said. Compazine was an anti-nausea medicine. I set the water and pill down on the counter and pulled his hair out of his face. He wasn't in there long; when he was done he took the medicine and went to bed. I told him I would be there as soon as I got something to eat. I went into the kitchen and smelled the soup; there was something wrong with it. I threw it out, hoping it wasn't botulism. I had cereal instead, then brushed my teeth, put on my pjs and came to bed.

Thankfully after a few days he was fine, but I knew in rare cases it could take two weeks for botulism to act so I kept my eyes open. We were both finally back out in the field. Garcia asked me, "So that stuff you had me look up, does relate to you? Is what you think you remembered real?"

"Yes on both parts Garcia, thanks," I said. Later that night I wanted distraction, "Please Spencer, please," I almost begged kissing him trying to get him going. I would wait for him, but my hormones were running out of patience.

"I don't know what I'm doing Elle and last time was horrible," he said.

"Try to forget about last time. I don't exactly know what I'm doing either, just don't think about it. Instead of thinking if a certain move is right Spencer, just act, don't think," I said.

"That's going to be a trick for me," he said.

"It's easier than you think," I said kissing his neck pulling him on top of me on the sofa. I wrapped one arm around his neck and started to kiss him on the lips and with my other hand I loosened his tie. I then put my hand on his back and rubbed it to distract him from what I was trying to do. I moved my right hand to the nape of his neck and sort of massaged his head and I played with his hair. I pulled him closer to my chest. I then started to unbutton his shirt with my left hand.

He didn't try to stop me. I wasn't going to try to go all the way tonight, I was looking for a release and was finding it and I was sure that he was too. I got his shirt unbuttoned and started to do the same to mine. My little black lace bra was showing. I continued to rub up against him and pull him closer to me and kiss him till my heart's delight.

After about an hour both of us sat up. I had a huge smile on my face, he looked slightly confused. "What did we just do?" he asked.

"I thought we were enjoying ourselves, I know I did. Didn't you?" I asked.

"I don't know was that sex?" he asked.

"Not exactly. That was more of just fun, a release of sexual energy. If you didn't want to Spencer you could have said no. I don't know what got into me, I'm usually not that persistent," I said.

"I think I enjoyed it, but I don't think I'm ready for sex yet. Please just try to keep your and my pants on," Spencer said.

I could take that answer for now. I knew eventually he would want to taste a little more and then a little more till he had the whole thing. I knew we would get there eventually. "Promise," I said. He then wrapped his arm around me and pushed me back down on the sofa kissing me quite passionately. He was trying to get my shirt off the rest of the way. I helped him out a little. I pulled at his shirt to tell him he should do the same thing. He took off his and threw it where he had thrown mine. He pulled me close to him and I kept my arms around him and kissed him. I only stopped for air about every 30 seconds.

At some point I became aware of him trying to remove my jeans, I didn't try to stop him, I tried to help him. Soon my jeans flew over the back of the couch. I was in my under things. I became aware that he had picked me up; he carried me to the bed room. There he tried to take off the rest of my clothes. That's when I stopped him. It's what I wanted, but not what he wanted, he wasn't ready.

"Not so fast Spencer. Let's at least keep my underwear on," I said grabbing his wrist and kissing him.

"I'm ready," he said.

"If you're ready, take your pants off," I said. He was still wearing his black dress pants that he usually wore to work.

"If I take them off I'll hurt you," he said.

I grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look me in the eyes. "No Spencer you won't. You didn't hurt me, it was the unsub, he just acted through you. You did not hurt me and you're not going to," I said. I flipped him over so he was on his back instead of me on my back. I started kissing his neck, chest, and lips and I was rubbing myself up against him and running my hands over his chest. After a few hours both of us sort of collapsed.

We had worn ourselves out. "Where are you pants?" Spencer asked.

"I think you threw behind the sofa. That's why I stopped you from taking my underwear, you weren't ready. If you were you would have taken your pants off as well," I said.

"I remember what you said to me, about being ready, then you flipped me. Thanks, for stopping from going too far tonight," Spencer said.

"You're welcome Spencer," I said.

"You could have so easily let it go, why did you stop me? You could have had what you wanted," Spencer said.

"At what cost Spencer? You weren't ready; I'm not going to back you into a corner, even though I did once. I'm not making that mistake again. What happened that night in the basement shouldn't have happened, and I should not have forced you do anything. I should have made the unsub do it, in exchange for your release. I am so sorry Spencer," I said.

"I know and I forgave you. I know that you understand what it did to me, because you are a victim of multiple rapes and your friend, someone you were supposed to trust violated that trust. Somehow you still trust me after what I did, you still want to be with me, after everything," he said. I took his hand and put my head on his chest.

Then our phones rang. I got up off of Spencer and grabbed my phone. It was Hotch. "Hello," I answered.

"Elle, we have case, plane leaves in two hours," Hotch said.

"Spencer and I will meet you at the air strip," I said hanging up.

Spencer was on his phone and I could hear part of the conversation. "Hey pretty boy, we got a case. Plane leaves in two hours." He was talking to Morgan. I hated it when he called Spencer pretty boy, kid, or any other stupid, ridiculous pet names he had for him. I just wanted him to use his name, be respectful.

"I'll meet you at the air strip," he said hanging up.

As we were getting ready I asked, "Does it bother you that Morgan and Rossi have these pet names for you like kid and pretty boy?"

"I don't like it because I feel like they don't respect me when they call me things like that, but I don't have the guts to tell them," he said.

"I know I should stay out of it, but if you would like me to, I could tell them to stop," I said. I could use my position in the team. I had been promoted quickly.

"I'll deal with it Elle, thanks for offering though, and using my name," he said.

"You're welcome," I said. We flew out to Colorado to find some missing children. I wasn't too sure what exactly happened, everything passed in a blur. I liked it in Colorado, nice weather, forests, lots of wild animals, and horses to ride.

A few weeks after we got home Spencer started to hang out with another girl. I didn't know I could feel so hurt, so jealous, and so angry with him. I tried to keep it hidden from him, trying to tell myself that there _had_ to be a reasonable explanation. Spencer wouldn't just cheat, not even on his friends. A few weeks of seeing her with him, I woke up to find her in the apartment. "I didn't know we were expecting company, Spencer," I said saying his name somewhat sternly and with a cold note. I had seen them both yesterday in a ring shop, like wedding rings store shop. They were laughing and it looked like he was picking rings out for her.

I had reached my breaking point. "Oh good morning Elle," Spencer said.

I gave him a hard look, letting him know I was upset, "Can I talk to you, privately?" I asked. I left the kitchen and headed for the bathroom. I heard him move his chair. He joined me.

"What is this about?" he asked me.

"Her Spencer. I've seen you with her, you are far too friendly with her for someone who has a girlfriend," I said.

"Whoa, Elle. Where is this coming from?" Spencer asked.

"You don't see me climbing all over Morgan, do you? He may be my friend but since I have a boyfriend, the affection I give my friends, especially my guy friends is causal. Just a friendly hug, perhaps a peck on the cheek to wish them luck, but I don't hang on them. I saw you and her at the store yesterday Spencer. I saw you picking out rings for her. If you don't love me anymore why didn't you just tell me instead of going around behind my back and hurting me. This apartment is not big enough for two females Spencer, if you need me, I'll be across the hall. I won't break my promise, I won't leave," I said grabbing my bag that I had packed last night and walking out the door.

I had paid for the apartment right across from his last night when the former owners moved. I knew I hadn't given him a chance to explain, but I was to angry right now.

**Spencer's point of view**

I was left in the bathroom as the girl I loved walked out the door. I didn't know what I had done. She hadn't given me a chance to explain. Did I just mess up the best thing in my life? I asked myself. I walked back out to the dining table in the kitchen, where my friend was sitting. "Spencer, what's wrong?" Lily asked me.

"She saw us, she thought we were together," I said almost breathless. I felt like all the air had left my body.

"Do you want me to go talk to her and tell her what really happened?" Lily asked.

"She won't listen right now; she needs time to cool down. What did I do wrong?" I asked my friend. I knew that she had had multiple boyfriends before she got married.

"Did you tell her about me?" Lily asked.

"No," I said.

"Did you tell her what you were going to be doing yesterday?" Lily asked.

"No," I said.

"That's part of your problem. The other is you behave toward me as though I am your girlfriend and am not married and I let you. She saw this behavior and knew it was you behaving as such, not me. So she feels that you were cheating and instead of coming to her to tell her that you don't love her, you went around behind her back and cheated. That hurts more than being told someone doesn't love you anymore, to find out by seeing them cheat. She felt such jealously, so much hurt and anger with you Spencer, she didn't know what to do," Lily said.

"What do I do to fix it? I need her," I asked of my friend.

"Once she cools down, which won't be anytime soon, go to her with her favorite flowers and sweets, something like chocolate or whatever she likes most and beg for forgiveness on your knees and tell her the truth. It works most of the time," Lily said.

"Most of the time?" I asked.

"Well she has to listen and not slam the door in your face. That's the point of getting on your knees with her favorite flowers and sweets. Appeal to her; get her to keep the door open long enough to listen for 30 seconds. You have to stay on your knees till she signals for you to come in or shuts the door in your face, but don't get up till she gives you some sort of signal too," Lily said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Elle's point of view**

I got into the apartment. All that was there was a couch, a stove, fridge, some cabinets and cupboards in the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. There was an air mattress, but no pillows or bedding. There was a little radio in the living room, but that was it for entertainment. I put a blanket over the couch so that I could sleep on it. I turned on the radio, it worked. I plugged in a floor lamp that someone left behind to light up the corner of the room.

I then put another blanket on the couch so I could keep warm and I pulled out a pillow that I had brought from my place as a child, Spencer had helped me escape. I didn't know if I would be able to fall asleep without him beside me. I was mad at him, I had booked this apartment for a few nights only, it was just time for me to think.

I knew Spencer would figure out what had made me so upset, I also knew that he didn't mean to. I was just female, and in a relationship, my brain was wired differently than his. I never thought I would have that kind of reaction to my boyfriend hanging out with another girl. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and ran out, it was disgusting. I went to the downstairs lobby and used that one.

I hoped that I wouldn't be staying here long, that bathroom was horrid. It looked like murder was committed there and no one had cleaned up. I came back and locked up and went to bed. In the morning I went to work, I just took a cab. Normally I would ride in with Spencer.

We were working a case where cops were being killed. Late in the case, like three days in and none of us had any rest Spencer was kidnapped. I felt like I was punched in the gut. I had distracted him by leaving. I had to find him. I started to leave the building. "Where are you going?" Hotch asked.

"To get something of his, I'm ordering some search dogs, I'm going to comb the city," I said. I then turned back around and headed for the door once more. I let myself into his apartment and I got into his laundry hamper and pulled out a couple of dirty shirts and I grabbed a trash bag to put them in so my scent wouldn't get all over them.

I then rushed to where the scent dogs would be waiting for me along with Morgan, Emily and JJ. The dogs split up into two teams, for a while, trying to pick up his scent. Emily and JJ went with one team and Morgan and I went with the other. I told the search teams as soon as you find him I want to know. Morgan and I followed our dogs, and it turned out they had the trail. We were lead to a corn field, then the back of someone's house with a root cellular. The dogs were barking.

"Call'em off," I said signaling to Morgan to open the doors so that I could go in. He got in position and pulled the door open and I rushed in. My flashlight was the only light in the room, suddenly I saw movement. "Spencer?" I asked. My flashlight caught a glimpse of him, and I saw no else in the room. I put my gun up in the holster just as Spencer lunged at me, with his gun out and knife out. Luckily Morgan wasn't down here yet. I grabbed his wrists just as Morgan came down the stairs.

I pushed pressure points in Spencer's hands to make him drop his weapons. He then tried to run after his weapons landed on the floor. "Spencer, it's me, it's Elle. We're going to get you out of here," I said.

He stopped pulling against me, "Elle?" he asked.

"Yes Spencer, it's me, you're safe now," I said. He wrapped his arms around me and sobbed.

Through his sobs he said, "I think my hip is dislocated and my ankle broken. And get these chains off of me." I then noticed he wasn't standing one of his legs. I also noticed a metal collar around his neck that had a chain and he had the same around his ankles. I used my earing to pick the locks and free him. "I can't make it up the stairs, and I don't want anyone to touch me," he continued.

"May I help you up the stairs Spencer?" I asked him. I felt him nod. I picked him up bridal style and took him outside where an ambulance was waiting. The EMTs tried to touch him and he freaked out. "Please, he doesn't want to be touched," I said.

"We have to, to help him," The EMTs replied.

"Let me do what you need done. I know how to do it, please. I used to work at a psytriacart hospital as a child and teen growing up. I know what to do, please don't put him through more trauma," I said.

"Fine," one of the EMTs said.

"Thank you sir," I said. "Easy Spencer," I said coming over to him.

"I want to go home," he said.

"You'll be there soon enough Spencer. First your leg needs to be looked at and you need to be looked over for other injuries," I said. He started to freak out again. "Relax Spencer, I promise no one is going to hurt you. They have to go through me first," I said. He gave a weak smile. "I do have to put these straps around you for the ride to the hospital, I'm sorry," I said putting them on.

"Why aren't the other EMTs doing this?" he asked.

"Because you wouldn't let them. They are going to let me do their job though, because I can get close enough to touch you without you freaking out," I said. He was then lifted into the back of the ambulance where I put an IV into his arm, as the ambulance sped away. I then started to hook up the monitors to him. I took a cleansing wipe that was alcohol free and started to wipe the dirt from his face.

"Thank you Elle, for finding me. I know you're mad at me," Spencer said. I could once again hear the emotion in his voice.

"I'm not so mad Spencer that I'll sit by and do nothing when you need help. I'm not cold hearted, I'm just a pain in the ass," I said. He laughed slightly. The smile was there on his face and it touched his eyes. I got his face cleaned up and I then started on his hands and arms. "Once we get to the hospital you have to go to the OR because of your ankle and hip, Hotch has already cleared it for me to be in the room," I said.

"I don't want any narcotics," Spencer said.

"I know Spencer, but after someone messes with your hip, you might want morphine for just a few days, to get you through the worst part of the pain before you to switch over the counter pain killers," I said.

"I don't want any narcotics," he said again.

"I got it Spencer, and no one is going to force them on you. I was just giving you my opinion. I've had my hip worked on and I had to take extremely powerfully pain killers for almost a month before over the counter drugs helped at all. The pain was so bad I could barely get up to go to the bathroom, I could hardly walk without crying in pain," I said.

Soon he was rushed into the OR and doctors started try to undress him and he sprung up off the gurney, pulling the IV out of his arm he ran across the room. "Stop!" I commanded the doctors. "He's been kidnapped. He's been through something, and he doesn't want to be touched, let me help him get ready," I said picking up the IV bag and turning off the drip. I went over to him and pushed his arm up so that his hand was on his shoulder, to stop the bleeding. I again picked him up bridal style and carried him to a bathroom and on the way I asked a nurse for a band aid and some gaugse cloth. She pulled them out of her pocket and gave them to me. I thanked her.

I went into a bathroom with Spencer and set him on a bench that was in there. "I know you don't want all those people to touch you Spencer. If I could do the surgery I would, but I don't know anything about putting bones back together. I will be there the whole time. They won't hurt you," I said rolling up his sleeve and putting a band aid and gausge over the hole in his arm. I lifted a robe to tell him he needed to undress.

He started to undress. He threw his clothes on the floor. I noticed the back side of his under was blood stained. My heart stopped, that was why he didn't anyone to touch him. He then held his hand out for the robe and I handed it to him. "I am really sorry for whatever you went through Spencer," I said. I came around behind him to tie the robe closed.

"I need you more than ever Elle. I don't know how to do this on my own," Spencer said starting to sob again.

I sat down on the bench and he sat down beside me, and he sat kind of funny. I put my arms around him, "I know Spencer, I know," I said. After a while I put the IV back in and put his clothes back in a paper bag. "Can you hold on to this?" I asked handing him the bag of liquid that I had just put into his arm. I set his bag of clothes on the bench next to him. I picked him up and grabbed his bags of clothes. I took him back to the OR and set him down on the gurney. I hooked up his oxygen and then gave him an injection, "I'll see you in a few hours," I said. He was soon asleep.

A few hours later he woke up in a recovery room and I was sitting in a reclining chair next to the bed holding his hand. "Elle?" he asked.

"I'm here Spencer," I said.

Then he started to sob. "I tried to kill you. I pointed my weapons at you," he managed to get out through sobs.

"Spencer, you were scared out of your mind. For all you knew I was the unsub," I said. When this didn't seem to comfort him I sat down on the bed and put my arms around him. I did my best to comfort him.

"When can I go home?" Spencer asked.

"In a few days. Your hip has to set first," I replied.

"What pain meds am I on?" Spencer asked.

"A cocktail that I used when I worked in a psychiatric hospital. It's ½ ibuprofen, ¼ morphine and ¼ Percocet. No narcotic properties. Tomorrow it will just be ibuprofen," I said. He just nodded. I was surprised, I just told him I was pumping narcotics into his system and he didn't react. Then I noticed something on his lower neck, almost on his shoulders. I moved his robe to get a better look. His skin was rubbed completely red raw all around. "Spencer, your neck?" I asked.

"Bonds, he did the same to my ankles, I fought them until they bled several times," Spencer said starting to scratch at his neck.

I grabbed his hand, "Let me see," I said. I looked at the sore on his neck that went all the way around. In spots it was infected, in others it was scabbed. I got the first aid kit and I started to clean it. It bled and puss came out. He winced. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Are you coming home Elle?" Spencer asked as I cleaned the wound on his neck and started to bandage it. "Please, I need you," Spencer said. I could hear the begging tone in his voice.

"Yes, I am Spencer. I just need to collect my things from the other apartment. Can I look at your ankles?" I asked. He nodded. I cleaned his wounds there and wrapped and bandaged his ankles. The wounds there were just as bad as the one on his neck. Then a nurse walked in and handed me a file and walked out. When Spencer was in surgery I had drawn blood for some tests. I opened the file and read it. I handed it to Spencer. He read it. He looked at me, there were tears in his eyes, but I could see the relief on his on face.

"All the tests are negative," he said.

"Yes," I said nodding. I had collected his blood to run tests for STDs. The tests would have to be run again in a few weeks. About three days later he was able to go home. I was tired of the hospital and I was sure that he was more than ready to go home. I had been sleeping in the hospital bed with him to help him feel safe and it was a tight fit. If I was in the bed he had to be almost completely on top of me. He had a walking boot; it was a cast that was inflated with air. Before he left a doctor came in and told him to come back in next week and the week after that to have his blood tested again just to be on the safe side. He nodded.

Soon after that we left. That night in the apartment Spencer clung to me. "I now know what you mean. That it hurts less when you don't fight, when you don't react. I understand now," Spencer said. I put my arm around him. "He wouldn't stop, even though I begged him too, why?" Spencer asked.

"There is no answer that I can give to that question Spencer. There are just some people that want what they want and they will stop at nothing to get it. They don't care who they hurt or who gets hurt by association," I said. I put my arms around him. I wasn't totally sure why I could touch him when no one else could. When he fell asleep I left a note and went to get my stuff out of my apartment. It wouldn't take me more than ten minutes. I was almost done packing; I was getting my stuff off the couch when there was a knock on my door.

I went to answer it. Spencer was there on his knees and his face was tear stained. Before I could say anything he spoke, "I know you're angry with me, and I'm sorry. Please let me explain. She's my friend. She lets me get away with a lot. That day at the store I was helping her pick out a ring. He's now her husband, but he's blind. She asked me to profile both of them then help her pick out a ring that both of them would like. She's not my girlfriend, I love you, I need you. Please forgive me," Spencer said sobbing.

I knelt down and grabbed his wrists and pulled him to his feet and pulled him into the apartment and wrapped my arms around him. "I forgave you a long time ago Spencer. The only reason I left was so I wouldn't say something that I would regret. I've said things that have ended relationships before. I didn't want to do with our relationship," I said.

"Then why did you come back?" Spencer asked. He was referring to me coming back to this rat hole of an apartment.

"I came to get my things. I thought I would be back before you woke up, I'm sorry Spencer," I said. I finished packing and went back to the apartment with him.

"When do I go back to work?" Spencer asked.

"In a few months, medical leave has been ordered and I'm taking my vacation days so I can stay with you," I said. We went back to his apartment.

"How did you deal?" Spencer asked.

He still hadn't told me exactly what had happened, but he knew that I knew what he was talking about. "I internalized, I didn't have anyone to go too. For the longest time I was on my own. No matter how many times I tried to get help, people wouldn't listen. I would recommend talking to someone who understands and won't judge. Talking takes a weight off of your shoulders," I said.

"How can I talk to the person I trust most when I can barely bring myself to touch her?" Spencer asked.

I knew he was talking about me. "You feel like you've been ruined, that you're unworthy of another's love after what someone's done to you. I've been there Spencer, don't trust those feelings. You haven't been ruined, you are worthy Spencer," I said.

"How do you do it? Live life? You seem so happy, how?" Spencer asked.

"I found someone who would hear my story and help. I needed help Spencer and someone to listen to me for five minutes. You also helped me realize that I was worthy of another's love. You gave me that, I'll do the same for you," I said. Hotch had also asked me to look into this case, he knew that I would not stop until this man was in prison or dead.

Spencer just started talking. "He came up from behind, I tried to fight him, he was just too much. I think he drugged me. Next thing I knew I was in a dark room with a dirt floor and I was chained. My pants were around my ankles, my heart stopped. I was afraid of what he done and he confirmed my fears," he said sobbing. I wrapped my arms around him. "He started again, after five times I lost count of how many times he…" Spencer said unable to finish. I held him tighter, "How long was I there?" Spencer asked.

"A few weeks," I answered.


End file.
